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Russian dolls are so full of themselves. I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it. A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll want to use it...

so, neighbors went on vacation and we are watching the house. taking the mail in and just watching over it. well, they called the other nite and asked how things were. do you want the good news or bad news first. good news. well, the explosion put the fire out!

Happy Monday! We are 31 trillion in debt. People have no idea how much bigger a billion is than a million. 1 million seconds is 11 days. A billion seconds is 31.5 years, lets not even talk about a trillion. Never make snow angels in a dog park. It’s so strange to think that before...

I changed my i Pod name to Titanic. It's syncing now. When chemists die, they barium. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst . A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. But he says he can stop any time. How...

Minnesota Computer Terminology Here's a Minnesota Guide to Computer Lingo LOG ON: making da vood stove hotter LOG OFF: don't add no more vood MONITOR: keep an eye on da vood stove MEGAHERTZ: vhen da big log drops on your barefoot in da morning FLOPPY DISK: vhat you get from pilingk too much...

Ladies, some advice, if he doesn't appreciate fruit puns... You need to let that mango. If A is for Apple and B is for banana what is C for? Plastic explosives. What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium and you can’t curium then you barium. Why did the druggie snort...

brother-in-law shared this one with us today!

Free truck the next one out of town!