Bullheaded wife/Covid

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DodgeLad

DodgeLad

Skipped the Light Fandango
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This is bugging the crap out of me....

My wife works at a care facility. I saw a recommendation to remove anyone you care about from these types of facilities and take them home.

No visitors are allowed, only employees right now. I asked what they are doing to screen employees. 'Taking their temperature' she says. I told her that has proven to be relatively ineffective. I asked if the employees are wearing masks. 'No, they don't have enough' is the answer. I told her she needs to wear a mask while is there. She calls her boss and the mask request is denied. Then I tell her to forget the money and do not enter that building without a mask. She calls her boss back and gets an ok for a mask, but the employer will not supply it. I tell her 'just quit'.

She freaks out and I become the 'problem'. She says I am trying to tell her how to live. I tell her the facility is making their problem (no masks), her (our) problem. Now she rejects anything I say. I am very high risk. I ponder her and her precious job will kill me. So I thought about it and then I told her do anything she wants...I don't care anymore because I'm not going to live that long anyway. But really I am so angry I can't even look at her right now.
 
I am having a similar issue with my wife and daughter (but not quite to the same degree)

I am strugling to get them to put aside their “I want” bias and start to think “I need” instead.

“I want to see my friends” isn’t good enough right now. “I need to put aside my wants and protect my family” is the right approach.

“I want” is selfish...”I need” is protective.
 
My buddy’s wife does weekend home care for a mentally disabled child. Its in the city,1 hour drive away. Not high risk yet, but there is very little money for the type of work it is.
Heres the thing. She likes what she does. That is what makes the difference. Its very important to her.
 
I would recommend finding you a "safespace" away from her until this passes set you up a bed and tv and a mini fridge In an extra bedroom or garage or something like that and just stay away until this crap passes. I understand that its your wife and she has a job to do and I understand that she dont want to quit her job but it's not worth you dying for. I think she would understand if you kept a safe distance for a little while.
 
DodgeLad said:
This is bugging the crap out of me....

My wife works at a care facility. I saw a recommendation to remove anyone you care about from these types of facilities and take them home.

No visitors are allowed, only employees right now. I asked what they are doing to screen employees. 'Taking their temperature' she says. I told her that has proven to be relatively ineffective. I asked if the employees are wearing masks. 'No, they don't have enough' is the answer. I told her she needs to wear a mask while is there. She calls her boss and the mask request is denied. Then I tell her to forget the money and do not enter that building without a mask. She calls her boss back and gets an ok for a mask, but the employer will not supply it. I tell her 'just quit'.

She freaks out and I become the 'problem'. She says I am trying to tell her how to live. I tell her the facility is making their problem (no masks), her (our) problem. Now she rejects anything I say. I am very high risk. I ponder her and her precious job will kill me. So I thought about it and then I told her do anything she wants...I don't care anymore because I'm not going to live that long anyway. But really I am so angry I can't even look at her right now.
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I got masks...you want me to send a few? IIRC they dont do much (unless its respirator type full rubber gasket) except stopping you from touching your face and stopping you from sneezing on someone. Just reassure her that your trying to tell her how to live longer.
 
My son works in the far north. They are shutting down flights in and out. Hes home and they want him back up there. The ones up there are told they cant leave,yet same man told my son its fine, he can leave whenever he wants.
This northern community has no health care facility and its full of seniors. Why arent the shutting down the construction work and sending everybody home is beyond me.
Someone is full of crap and is only looking after the bottom line.
 
Tooljunkie said:
My son works in the far north. They are shutting down flights in and out. Hes home and they want him back up there. The ones up there are told they cant leave,yet same man told my son its fine, he can leave whenever he wants.
This northern community has no health care facility and its full of seniors. Why arent the shutting down the construction work and sending everybody home is beyond me.
Someone is full of crap and is only looking after the bottom line.
Click to expand...
I told her the company execs would never take the risk of what she is doing now. Deaf ears.
 
pishta said:
I got masks...you want me to send a few? IIRC they dont do much (unless its respirator type full rubber gasket) except stopping you from touching your face and stopping you from sneezing on someone. Just reassure her that your trying to tell her how to live longer.
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Seriously? I'd think they would stop the infected droplets. Filter not fine enough? Tells you what I know. I thought that would take care of the nose and mouth and she wears glasses for the eyes.
She's done with me for 3/15/2020 lol
 
DodgeLad said:
Seriously? I'd think they would stop the infected droplets. Filter not fine enough? Tells you what I know. I thought that would take care of the nose and mouth and she wears glasses for the eyes.
She's done with me for 3/15/2020 lol
Click to expand...

Masks are not very effective the way they’re typically used. They actually work best when the infected person wears them, as they contain the droplets from getting out and into the air. Remember, “droplet” in this sense can refer to drops that are all the way down to microscopic in size.

In order for a mask to be effective at all, it needs to be an N95 or higher rating. But here’s the catch- they still have to be fitted and worn properly. There are different sizes.

I work as a firefighter/paramedic. One of the things I do, every year by law, is have a “fit test” for all the masks I’m required to wear. My SCBA mask, my cartridge mask, and yes, even the N95 mask. Part of that is to make sure I have the proper size mask, and the other part is basically training because it shows me what I have to do to achieve the proper fit. If you just buy an N95 off the shelf and slap it on your face the odds of it working to that 95% particulate level filtering is slim and next to none. Is it better than nothing still? Probably. Will it prevent infection? Not necessarily.

Which is exactly why the general public shouldn’t be buying masks. Your best bet is to practice hand washing and social distancing. A mask gives you a false sense of security. And, since masks are in short supply, you may actually be limiting the number of masks available to first responders and hospital workers. We don’t even have enough masks to wear them for every patient contact.
 
@DodgeLad, if you are able get her to agree, to cover her arse, have her email HR with reasons why shes not coming to work. At least it's a paper trail to protect her job.
Good luck
 
4spdragtop said:
@DodgeLad, if you are able get her to agree, to cover her arse, have her email HR with reasons why shes not coming to work. At least it's a paper trail to protect her job.
Good luck
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Not a bad idea at all. They have kicked her around in the past, maybe now it is her turn.
 
I'm bummed hearing this "thing" has affected your marriage. @dartfreak75 has a great idea if you can make it work.

I'm concerned we'll see more and more dividing among us. Just today, two neighbors said they didn't want any kids in their house because of the "virus". We bought in this small subdivision (currently 28 houses out of 70 lots) because there are a lot of kids our grandson can play with.

Sure hope this thing won't further divide us.
 
66fyssh said:
I'm bummed hearing this "thing" has affected your marriage. @dartfreak75 has a great idea if you can make it work.

I'm concerned we'll see more and more dividing among us. Just today, two neighbors said they didn't want any kids in their house because of the "virus". We bought in this small subdivision (currently 28 houses out of 70 lots) because there are a lot of kids our grandson can play with.

Sure hope this thing won't further divide us.
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I like you sir. The kids will make it swimmingly.
I talked to her about dartfreak's idea. I am going to hole up in my bedroom where I have everything but cooked food. We each have our own bathroom. She will change clothes and shower when she gets home, leaving her work clothes in the garage. We will make it.
 
DodgeLad said:
This is bugging the crap out of me....

My wife works at a care facility. I saw a recommendation to remove anyone you care about from these types of facilities and take them home.

No visitors are allowed, only employees right now. I asked what they are doing to screen employees. 'Taking their temperature' she says. I told her that has proven to be relatively ineffective. I asked if the employees are wearing masks. 'No, they don't have enough' is the answer. I told her she needs to wear a mask while is there. She calls her boss and the mask request is denied. Then I tell her to forget the money and do not enter that building without a mask. She calls her boss back and gets an ok for a mask, but the employer will not supply it. I tell her 'just quit'.

She freaks out and I become the 'problem'. She says I am trying to tell her how to live. I tell her the facility is making their problem (no masks), her (our) problem. Now she rejects anything I say. I am very high risk. I ponder her and her precious job will kill me. So I thought about it and then I told her do anything she wants...I don't care anymore because I'm not going to live that long anyway. But really I am so angry I can't even look at her right now.
Click to expand...
Where are you getting the information that 1)checking a person to see if they have a fever is not an effective act
2) that a mask will protect a healthy person?
Can you help me with that?
Cause I believe you are mistaken.
 
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This “thing” is going to need all of us to make some temporary sacrifices. Keeping your kids inside, or away from folks 65 and older, makes good darn sense right now.

Those that work in healthcare related fields are going to have to address their risk. Our elderly in care homes are some of the most vulnerable, and the NEED care. Someone has to show up, even if it raises their own personal risk. How a person makes that decision is going to be individual- how old that person is themselves, whether or not they or their family members have underlying health issues, etc. But someone still needs to show up. Those of us that work in healthcare and emergency services signed up for this, and people other than our families depend on us.

If the infection spreads here like it has in Italy, our hospitals, healthcare workers and first responders are going to be hammered. My department is already making plans and contingencies to brown out companies as staffing levels fall due to illness. What does that mean for me? It means as staffing levels fall I’m going to be on mandatory callback. My hours will continue to increase, so will my exposure. Eventually there’s a good chance I’ll just get sick with this stuff. And I still don’t have it as bad as the folks that work in respiratory care and the ICU’s.

Hopefully it doesn’t come to that, but the die is already cast. If there are people with the infection at those slammed airports and grocery store lines we’re in trouble. San Jose Fire already has 77 firefighters quarantined and one in the ICU in grave condition. Italy has about 9,000 covid 19 people in ICU beds. The US has roughly 45,000 ICU beds, many of which are full just on a busy day. Those kind of numbers will push our healthcare system to the edge. We all have to sacrifice so we can minimize how bad this gets.
 
My wife is a nurse. Ever so slowly she is coming around.
She is younger than I, but unless I am mistaken, 50% of the critical patients in Italy are under fifty, and as young as 16.
This is about the only help I can suggest.
The youth in Britain are still mass congregating in the bars and night clubs.

 
something to consider...high risk exposure is reached in a situation where you are
1 within 3 feet of an infected person
2 not wearing a mask
3 for 10 minutes or more

how helpful that is, I dont know, but I thought I'd throw it out there
 
diymirage said:
something to consider...high risk exposure is reached in a situation where you are
1 within 3 feet of an infected person
2 not wearing a mask
3 for 10 minutes or more

how helpful that is, I dont know, but I thought I'd throw it out there
Click to expand...

Not entirely true, but some first steps.

Our procedures are to conduct as much of our initial assessment questioning while ~6 feet away from the patient. If we suspect the patient has the potential to be infected, the first thing we’re supposed to do is put a surgical mask on the patient, even before we put one on that we’ve be trained to use and fitted for. Minimizing time of exposure is definitely helpful, but not exactly useful if you’re the medic in the back of the ambulance. Nothing you can do about that.

Our dispatchers are pre-screening everyone and will alert us before we make contact if certain criteria are met so we can mask and gown up with eye protection. But with community spread it doesn’t catch very many people.

So, for the general public you shouldn’t be counting on a mask helping you. Don’t buy them, leave them for the medical professionals and practice social distancing. That’s far more effective. And if you do get sick and need to call 911 for life threatening symptoms, please be candid with the dispatcher so we can be properly prepared.
 
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None of my business but since you did post, she did marry you. As such, she has a family under your roof that comes first. That's all I'll add.
 
Ill never understand why a mask is useless for me, but works so well for everyone else.

It's obvious if you just get one virus you probably won't get quite as ill, and it will give your system a chance to react.
If you get a massive dose of virus from a sneeze right in your face let's say, you will get it quick and your system has no chance to react.
A while back on a CDC vid I believe, one of the pros had his mask on upside down and inside out.
 
I don't care if I
do die,do die,do die.
I'll wake up on Judgement Day
with a new bodee,bodee,bodee
And no more arguing with
a bullheaded wify,wifee.
Happy man no need
nookie,nookee, nookee.
I'll munching fruit
from the forever tree,
A bazzillion years
of party, partee
 
RustyRatRod said:
None of my business but since you did post, she did marry you. As such, she has a family under your roof that comes first. That's all I'll add.
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Bullshit.

You think our doctors don’t have families at home? Or the respiratory therapists and nurses at the hospitals? Heck, even the ER techs, secretaries and janitors at the hospitals? There’s a reason you take an oath for most medical professions, your service comes first. The real heroes are the support folks that aren’t even sworn medical professionals but still have to show up and face exposures so the whole system can work for you.

If our doctors, medical professionals and first responders all take your philosophy then we’re all screwed.

It’s exactly that kind of selfish thinking that’s going to make this whole thing worse than it has to be.

magnumdart said:
Ill never understand why a mask is useless for me, but works so well for everyone else.

It's obvious if you just get one virus you probably won't get quite as ill, and it will give your system a chance to react.
If you get a massive dose of virus from a sneeze right in your face let's say, you will get it quick and your system has no chance to react.
A while back on a CDC vid I believe, one of the pros had his mask on upside down and inside out.
Click to expand...

If you’ve never been trained to put on an N95 and fit tested for one then quite frankly I don’t expect you to understand because you simply aren’t informed enough to know.

Yes, wearing a mask can help if it’s the right mask, the right size for you, and fitted properly. If you haven’t been fitted and trained, the likelihood that all of that will be true is lower than you think it is. And an improperly fitted mask might even trap infectious particles on your face near your airway, which could increase your chances of infection. It’s a tool, used properly it can help, used improperly it can do harm.

Do whatever you want, but with the current shortages it’s very possible any mask you buy and use will be one not available for someone that has been trained and fitted.
 
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72bluNblu said:
Bullshit.

You think our doctors don’t have families at home? Or the respiratory therapists and nurses at the hospitals? Heck, even the ER techs, secretaries and janitors at the hospitals? There’s a reason you take an oath for most medical professions, your service comes first. The real heroes are the support folks that aren’t even sworn medical professionals but still have to show up and face exposures so the whole system can work for you.

If our doctors, medical professionals and first responders all take your philosophy then we’re all screwed.

It’s exactly that kind of selfish thinking that’s going to make this whole thing worse than it has to be.



If you’ve never been trained to put on an N95 and fit tested for one then quite frankly I don’t expect you to understand because you simply aren’t informed enough to know.

Yes, wearing a mask can help if it’s the right mask, the right size for you, and fitted properly. If you haven’t been fitted and trained, the likelihood that all of that will be true is lower than you think it is. And an improperly fitted mask might even trap infectious particles on your face near your airway, which could increase your chances of infection. It’s a tool, used properly it can help, used improperly it can do harm.

Do whatever you want, but with the current shortages it’s very possible any mask you buy and use will be one not available for someone that has been trained and fitted.
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Thank you for your informed input. You are right on with everything you've said. I have two doctors in my family and also another member that works for the CDC. It's all about slowing the spread of the disease so the health system doesn't get overwhelmed. As stated, not enough hospital beds to take care of the seriously ill if we don't slow it down. That's the only defense we have against it right now. I used to test fit those exact same masks when I worked for the railroad and anyone that had facial hair weren't even tested because they could never pass the test because the masks wouldn't seal properly. Please don't waste the masks. 72nuNblu, thanks for what you do and what you have to put up with. Be safe. Steve
 
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