Daughter's fiance' to ask for her hand in marriage. How did you respond?

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DartGTDan

DartGTDan

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My daughter and her boyfriend have been together just over 4 years now. They've been exclusive since their junior year at U of M. He spent 27 months in the Peace Corps, and they remained committed to each other through all of that. He returned to the U.S. in September, gathered his belongings and moved to Chicago with her. They're coming home for Thanksgiving and my wife and I believe he's going to talk to us about their future.

What are your experiences? Any words of wisdom?
 
Yes, trust your daughter to make her own decisions about her life and have faith in the lessons and wisdom you have taught her.

Then support her decision and respect it.

All you can do is let her lead her own life...her way...and be there for her.

Any decision to include you in their plans shows respect for you and your wife as being important to them. Don’t let that respect be wasted, guide as you can, but never attempt to control.

They don’t need your permission to do what they want with their life...they are respectfully asking for it. And it shows they want you in their future.
 
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Ddaddy said:
Yes, trust your daughter to make her own decisions about her life and have faith in the lessons and wisdom you have taught her.

Then support her decision and respect it.

All you can do it let her lead her own life...her way...and be there for her.

Any decision to include you in their plans shows respect for you and your wife as being important to them. Don’t let that respect be wasted, guide as you can, but never attempt to control.

They don’t need your permission to do what they want with their life...they are respectfully asking for it. And it shows they want you in their future.
Click to expand...
With two daughters happily married I figured I was qualified to respond with some words of wisdom. Then I read Ddaddy response and thought to myself .... that about covers it, nothing else to add. His advice was spot on and well written. All I can say is I did it that way and am now blessed with grandkids and two great son in laws. There is literally nothing to add to his sage advice.
 
If he's worth a ****, tell him yeah. If not, throw his *** out.
 
Wow.
So many unknowns in that story.
But if he thinks enough of your family to care about what you think doesn't that say a lot.
4 years is a long time to be going steady.
They should know each other pretty well.
Ask him if he "likes" her.
1 Min. in.


I tell young folks that if they have the mindset that they can divorce if it doesn't work out, they are setting themselves up for failure.

 
DartGTDan said:
My daughter and her boyfriend have been together just over 4 years now. They've been exclusive since their junior year at U of M. He spent 27 months in the Peace Corps, and they remained committed to each other through all of that. He returned to the U.S. in September, gathered his belongings and moved to Chicago with her. They're coming home for Thanksgiving and my wife and I believe he's going to talk to us about their future.

What are your experiences? Any words of wisdom?
Click to expand...
I think the Greeks did it best.
Wasn't there something like cleaning out all the stalls before morning and two other challenges?
 
Step-brat is 40 and the guy is same age (spent a few months in high school together but were not friends until the 20 year H.S. reunion). Both never married. They moved in together after a six month period of dating long distance.

Wife and I went to visit them for a week, stayed in their guest bedroom. We met the guy for the second time and he obviously wanted to make a good impression, which he did. The girl told me before my arrival that the guy wanted to ask me "something." The whole week went by and no question.

Then our last dinner together at the house they rent (we leave the next day on a 5:30 AM flight). Then dessert. Still nothing.

Right when I am convinced there will be no question after all, the guy starts talking seriously about love, etc. Says he was thinking about asking the girl to get married, but not quite ready to pop the question. This is with all of four of us sitting together at the dinner table. The girl (my step-brat) said she would have an answer if/when he popped the question, but was not committing to anything quite yet.

All I could say was that they were both adults and it was not my place to tell them what to do. I could have told him I don't really recommend marriage (based on personal experience-30 years so far), but I will let him find that out for himself. This was six weeks ago, no news on that front yet.

shotgun.jpg
 
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Thanks for all of the replies. We'll see where this goes. Fingers crossed they'll be as happy in 50 years as they are right now!
 
I introduced my son in law to my daughter hoping they would hit it off, they have been married 14 years .
 
well, lets give this some serious thought...first of all, is this serious?
the reason i ask is because you refer to him as her fiancee BUT he has yet to pop the question?
so, in my mind that doesnt add up.

now, the second thing to consider really is your answer
i actually know a few couples where the husband (boyfriend at the time) as for the ladies hand in marriage only to hear the dad say "you are not ready"
if you think he is the one for her, AND he is ready to be a husband to her right now (and what entails being a husband depends a little on where you get your definitions from, id be more then happy to give you a few biblical verses on it, of you would like me to, but i understand that not everyone places the same importance on the bible and i dont want to muddy this thread by making it religious when it isnt) so, if your answer is going to be YES, then all is well, a few carefully picked words of advice and your set, but what if your answer is no?

will he respect that?
will she?
and will you do all you can to take this young man under your wing and make sure the answer changes to YES?

untill you figure that one out, we really cant move forward on this
 
Tell him how you expect your daughter to be taken care of and that you're not afraid to go back to prison.
 
turn to her and just say 'God damn it are you pregnant?' and wait

even better if you have a gun cabinet and can be near it :thumbsup:
 
DartGTDan said:
My daughter and her boyfriend have been together just over 4 years now. They've been exclusive since their junior year at U of M. He spent 27 months in the Peace Corps, and they remained committed to each other through all of that. He returned to the U.S. in September, gathered his belongings and moved to Chicago with her. They're coming home for Thanksgiving and my wife and I believe he's going to talk to us about their future.

What are your experiences? Any words of wisdom?
Click to expand...
Open door with loaded shotgun, raise shot gun, shoot, bury boyfriend in hog pen....


Kidding kidding, Go with what Dave(DDaddy says below)...


Ddaddy said:
Yes, trust your daughter to make her own decisions about her life and have faith in the lessons and wisdom you have taught her.

Then support her decision and respect it.

All you can do is let her lead her own life...her way...and be there for her.

Any decision to include you in their plans shows respect for you and your wife as being important to them. Don’t let that respect be wasted, guide as you can, but never attempt to control.

They don’t need your permission to do what they want with their life...they are respectfully asking for it. And it shows they want you in their future.
Click to expand...
 
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