The best 2 cards I ever were received were:
A woman standing on the porch yelling "TIMMY! That is not where the carrot goes on a snowman!"
A picture of a living room...in the background Santa is just backing out of the fireplace... in the foreground you see the back of an awesome brunette in a revealing one-piece leather suit, fishnets, and knee-high leather spike-heeled boots one of which is about to crush a ball from the tree, and she has a whip in her hand. When you open the card it says "Seasons Beatings".