Medical Testing

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krazykuda

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Why is the N.I.H. (National Institute of Health) substituting rats with lawyers for lab tests?

Three reasons:

1. There are more lawyers then rats.

2. When rats die many lab techies feel bad for them.

3. There are some things a rat will not do.
 
The news people were reporting several cases of multiple lawyers, chained together with concrete blocks, drowned, in the bottom of the local lake.

One reporter asked the investigating detective his opinion

"Well," said the detective, "I think it's a hell of a good start."
 
The news people were reporting several cases of multiple lawyers, chained together with concrete blocks, drowned, in the bottom of the local lake.

One reporter asked the investigating detective his opinion

"Well," said the detective, "I think it's a hell of a good start."


What a waste of good chains...
 
The news people were reporting several cases of multiple lawyers, chained together with concrete blocks, drowned, in the bottom of the local lake.

One reporter asked the investigating detective his opinion

"Well," said the detective, "I think it's a hell of a good start."
"Worst case of suicide we've ever seen".
 
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."

"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
 
Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?

A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.

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What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?

Chelsea Clinton.


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Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?

A: Senator.
 
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. "Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see."

"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake.

"To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"

"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out."

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose... You must be a bunny rabbit!"

Then he said, "I can't thank you enough, but by the way, what kind of animal are you?"

And the snake replied that he didn't know, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when he was finished, the snake said, "Well, what kind of an animal am I?"

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and he replied, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy and you haven't got any balls...

You must be a lawyer."
 
Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?

A: Not enough sand.

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What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?

One's a slimy scum-sucking bottom-dwelling scavenger, the other is just a fish.

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What do you call a lawyer who doesn't know the law?

A judge.
 
If you ever need a heart transplant, try to get one from a lawyer. Never been used.
 
Why do lawyers need to buried at least six feet deep when dead?








Cuz deep down, they're good people.
 
How many lawyer jokes are there?

Three...the rest are true stories.

Two lawyers fighting over a copper penny...created wire.
 
A man walks into a bar and yells out loud, "All lawyers are a--holes!"

He looks around, and no reply....

Finally a man yells from the back of the bar, "You better take that back."

The first man asks, "Are you a lawyer?"

The man replies, "No, I'm an a--hole..."
 
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