Furyus2,
This is part of the learning curve.. I had to do it too. Even though I got my start decades ago, it never ends. I don't intend to be glib, but the answers you're looking for, will take huge paragraphs to answer, and you can only absorb it relative to your knowledge base.
That's why ATI gave you short answers. Especially if you spoke to Charlie (ATI), he has no patience.. If I were a bettin man, I would say you were sold two different products by ATI, cause they perceived two different requirements.
I'm sorry to hear about your trouble. it happens, now and then.
My first trans build was back in '84, it was an education. I have done SEVERAL since, and even worked as a 'builder' at my local trans shop. But, even in the 'trans builder' community, it was common to encounter LOTS of other builders (not all) who simply had NO CONCEPT of REAL performance applications. Case and point: in the NHRA Stock/Super Stock ranks, 727's were fitted with 904 internals to minimize drivetrain losses. These trans have been retrofitted/modified for more than 25 yrs. and cost in excess of $5000 today. They WORK, and hold up to 950+hp Hemi's on a regular basis. From time to time, while attending ATRA training conventions, I would talk about these transmission 'animals' with other 'builders', and I would frequently get the BS stare, to some sort of butt-hurt response from them because it didn't fit their narrative.
An integral part of being a good builder of anything, is to gain a thorough understanding of needs of the customer. Only then, can you provide a good service. Unfortunately, you have fallen through the cracks...
I commend you, for wanting to DIY. Be patient, study, and never give up.