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You're An EXTREME Redneck When... 1 You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 2 The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it. 3 You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4...

A Married College Professor was having an affair with one of his pretty young students. One day after an early class, they went to her place and had sex all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 p.m. While quickly dressing, the Professor told the student to take his shoes...

Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Yuma , Arizona . They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents." They look at each other and then go in, thinking, This is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the...

Medical distinction between Guts and Balls There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions: GUTS – Is arriving...

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine or a pint of beer... and those who don't. As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter...

Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him. Mick says, "How you doin’?" "Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favor mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing." :blob::blob::blob::blob::blob::geek::D + + + + + + + + + Mick goes...

:downtown::downtown::downtown: How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It! What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another...

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's...

A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes. The congregation had to mob him to get him down...

Wives The wife and I were at home watching TV. I had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the **** channel. She became more and more annoyed and finally said: "For God's sake! Leave it on the **** channel! You already know how to fish!"

FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: 'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below...

FOR YOU HUMAN RESOURCE TYPES..... Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel...

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as...

This was nominated for best joke of the year - worth sharing. A Somali arrives in Vancouver as a new immigrant to Canada . He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says .. 'Thank you Mr. Canadian for letting me in this country, giving me housing, money for food...

Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began? Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer told...

MAN OF THE HOUSE A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man of Your House." He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal...

1) Good: A Caledon OPP, policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem. A twelve year old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted sign, which read 'RADAR TRAP AHEAD'. The officer then found a young accomplice down the...

Sheer Nightgown A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range...

My 1 day employment So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities...

Two blonde girls were working for the City's Public Works Department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl...

People were in their pews talking at church. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the altar. Everyone started screaming and running for the exit, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had vacated the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat...

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the...

Top Four 2009 Adult Jokes Fourth Place: A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.' She replies...

A Scottsman walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says, "Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache." The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says, "If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, Not a cow." The guy...

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.' Arthur...

Words ending in tor > > > > > > A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that > eat things. > > > The first little boy says, "Alligator." > > > "Very good, that's a big word." > > > The second boy says, "Predator." > > > "Yes, that's another big word. Well...

Two Newfies walk into a pet shop in St. John's and walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to George, 'Dat's dem.' The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. 'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says George. The owner puts the budgies in...

Will I Live to see 90? I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 60.) A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 90?'...

Paddy and Mick worked together in St. John's and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, "Panty Stitcher. I sew the elastic onto ladies cotton panties and thongs." The clerk looked up panty stitcher on his computer and...

Why is it when your wife gets pregnant all her friends rub her belly and say "Congratulations!" But nobody rubs your dick and says "Good Job!!!"