Dad jokes!

[RSie]

My Pa has been gone almost 40 years now.. still think of him every day. When life throws me a curve ball, I always ask myself 'what would Pa do?'... the answer always comes to me.
Anyway, his dad joke I remember:
Every time we were in the car with him, and went past a cemetary, he'd ask
"How many dead people in that cemetary?"... guesses.. 200! 300!
"All of them!".
When we learned to reply "All of them", he'd come back with "all except that poor bastard over in the corner mowing lawn".
Let's hear the Dad jokes for Fathers Day!

 

[Bigdummy]

1. Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

 

[Bigdummy]

1. Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

 

[Bigdummy]

My son must have been relieved to have finally been born.

He looked like he was running out of womb in there

 

[Ddaddy]

Dad, you got a haircut!

Nope, I washed it and it shrank...gotta remember to read those care labels.

*shakes head*

 

[charliec]

A three legged cowboy dog walks into a bar, spurs jingling. He stops just inside the swinging doors as everything gets deathly quiet. "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw!"

 

[RSie]

While it's not really 'Dad jokes', I like to mess with the wife once in awhile. She'll holler at me from one end of the house.. I'll yell 'What?'. Then she hollers 'Where are you you?'

"I'm floating on this boat on the Amazon trying catch some piranha, but they just keep eating the worms and swimming away!"

"I'm in the Yukon, hunting Elk. Damn it's cold"

"I'm in the Australian outback, boxing this kangaroo. Damn, he's got a wicked left hook."

 

[RustyRatRod]

We never had a dishwasher growing up. Daddy always did them. He wouldn't even let us do them.....just somethin about him....he prefered to do them himself.

When he would be at the sink and we'd be millin around the kitchen puttin other things away, he would always without fail bust off a huge after supper fart and say "if you smell a apple, don't bite it".

 

[mopar74]

"How many dead people in that cemetary?"... guesses.. 200! 300!
"All of them!".

Sounds like my Dad and he would follow it up with "you know why they put fences around cemeteries? Because people are just dying to get in there"
Another would be, Dad you know what? His answer was always " A hogs *** is pork" I seem to repeat this to my daughter on a daily basis. She's got so used to it that she comes back with besides that
Kevin