Pay your Bills

[chasduster]

.ExternalClass #EC_yiv719746628 p{;}[FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif][FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif][FONT=times new roman, new york, times, serif]The Itch
Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King, and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick.

The moral of the story...

Pay your bills.






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[FISHBREATH]

The king was making ready for a trip overseas, the first since he married his nubile young queen only weeks before.

He summoned the House Guard commander and asked him to bring forth his three most trusted knights. The commander did so and the king stood before them saying, "I will be leaving tomorrow on a great mission of undetermined time. I want to select my most loyal knight to guard the honor of my young wife while I am away. You will be summoned, one at a time, in the middle of this night to spend one hour in bed with my wife. I will determine my most trusted knight in the morrow. You are dismissed."

The three knights left the presence of the king, each with visions of seeing the young queen naked in bed.

The king, at dinner, feasted his queen and ensured that she had more than enough wine during the meal. She retired to bed and immediately passed out. The king assembled a specially mounted razor blade and carefully inserted it into the queen's nether region. Satisfied that the device was properly placed, the king summoned the House Guard commander to begin the loyalty test.

Early the next morning, the king summoned the three knights to the courtyard. The three stood there snickering amongst themselves.

The king walked up to the first knight and ordered him to drop his pants. Reluctantly, the first knight did so, revealing bloody bandages around the end of his bowangus. The king yelled, "Take him away!" and the commander did so.

The second knight, now trembling, was ordered to drop his pants. He did so, revealing the same state of affairs with his schlong. The king ordered him taken away.

The third knight stood there with a smile on his face. The king ordered his pants down. The knights dork was fully intact!

The king was overjoyed to finally locate a knight loyal enough to guard his nubile queen. He said to the knight, " Sir, you have indeed shown your loyalty by your honorable deed last night. What is your name, good knight?"

The knight started sweating and was nervously fidgeting.

"Please, sir knight, tell me your name."

The knight was getting beet red in the face, but said nothing.

"If you do not speak to your king, I will have you share the fate of your two comrades."

With that, the knight opened his mouth and said,

"Pweespahmeeeyedindoonuffin."