franktiregod
SAWB
OK I know this is goofy. But tonight I found a bunch of old stuff I wrote years ago and some of it made me chuckle.
I wrote this on 12-24-1997. Probably while waiting on my kids to go to sleep. LOL
Memo from North Pole Police Department
Re: Christmas cancellation
It is my sad duty to report that Christmas this year will be cancelled. The reason for the cancellation is that Santa Claus (a.k.a St. Nick) has been arrested and charged with several million counts of breaking and entering.
Nothing of value was taken in any of these alleged heists but there are several glasses of milk and many cookies that are currently unaccounted for.
After being processed and fingerprinted, Mr. Claus will be questioned concerning other accusations that have come to my attention.
We have unconfirmed reports of stalking that we are trying to verify. When asked to comment, Mr. Claus would only say that he knows when you are sleeping and he knows when you are awake. We will be passing this potentially incriminating statement along to the prosecutor for review.
In addition to the previously mentioned charges, Mr. Claus will be facing cruelty and false imprisonment counts stemming from interviews we have had with workers at his shop who call themselves "elves".
There may also be some incidents of employing illegal aliens at this so called Santa's workshop which is actually just a front for the horrendous working conditions that these "elves" endured.
While living in a luxury home with his wife-and alleged accomplis, Mr. Claus has made quite a nice living by making these elves work year round and round the clock to produce toys from which he made big profits. The Internal Revenue Service is also looking into the financial records for Santa's workshop.
We are currently searching for Mrs. Claus and are asking the public for any information that may lead to her speedy apprehension. She was last seen loading the family belongings into a sleigh and heading south.
When apprehended, Mrs. Claus, along with her husband will be indicted on nine counts of animal cruelty in connection with the reindeer used to power Mr. Claus' sleigh.
I regret being the one to inform everyone of the cancellation but these people are dangerous and need to be taken off the street.
Cordially,
J.L. Byrd
North Pole Police Chief
I wrote this on 12-24-1997. Probably while waiting on my kids to go to sleep. LOL
Memo from North Pole Police Department
Re: Christmas cancellation
It is my sad duty to report that Christmas this year will be cancelled. The reason for the cancellation is that Santa Claus (a.k.a St. Nick) has been arrested and charged with several million counts of breaking and entering.
Nothing of value was taken in any of these alleged heists but there are several glasses of milk and many cookies that are currently unaccounted for.
After being processed and fingerprinted, Mr. Claus will be questioned concerning other accusations that have come to my attention.
We have unconfirmed reports of stalking that we are trying to verify. When asked to comment, Mr. Claus would only say that he knows when you are sleeping and he knows when you are awake. We will be passing this potentially incriminating statement along to the prosecutor for review.
In addition to the previously mentioned charges, Mr. Claus will be facing cruelty and false imprisonment counts stemming from interviews we have had with workers at his shop who call themselves "elves".
There may also be some incidents of employing illegal aliens at this so called Santa's workshop which is actually just a front for the horrendous working conditions that these "elves" endured.
While living in a luxury home with his wife-and alleged accomplis, Mr. Claus has made quite a nice living by making these elves work year round and round the clock to produce toys from which he made big profits. The Internal Revenue Service is also looking into the financial records for Santa's workshop.
We are currently searching for Mrs. Claus and are asking the public for any information that may lead to her speedy apprehension. She was last seen loading the family belongings into a sleigh and heading south.
When apprehended, Mrs. Claus, along with her husband will be indicted on nine counts of animal cruelty in connection with the reindeer used to power Mr. Claus' sleigh.
I regret being the one to inform everyone of the cancellation but these people are dangerous and need to be taken off the street.
Cordially,
J.L. Byrd
North Pole Police Chief
