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The Parking Officer's Funeral. As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral a voice from inside screams: "I'm not dead, I'm not dead! Let me out!!!" The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters: "Too late pal, the paperwork's already...

Well, it took forty years but here are the new labels being considered for liquor bottles these days. This should be taken seriously!!! Alcohol Labels Just Like Cigarettes Liquor manufacturers have accepted the government's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on...

:oops: An Arab enters a taxi.......... Once he is seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion and, in the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music which is music of the infidel's and certainly no...

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman...

Took a dyslexic bird home last night, and she ended up cooking my sock! Had to have a blood transfusion the other day. All they had left was 2 pints of African blood, and 2 pints of Paki blood. It's not as bad as it sounds I now have a 12 inch c**k, and I am top of the housing list.. Sat...

Female Compassion - A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms or legs. 3 women, an American, a Kiwi and an Australian women, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man. The American women said - have you ever had a hug - the man said No - so she gave him a hug and...

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And then the fight started..... ______________________________ My...