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The Pirate A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.' 'What do you mean?' said the pirate. 'I feel fine.' 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.' 'We were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon...

1. Two blondes walked into a building... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it. 2. Phone answering machine message: '... If you want marijuana, press the hash key...' 3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Gladwrap for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see...

A 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up.... The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child! So what do you think about that Doc?" The doctor...

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat." He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would...

A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door. It's opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lit cigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm. Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home?" Little boy: "What the f*ck do you...

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures. Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a...

Brings back memories of mortal kombat hahah:love7: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-fv_pyPDo0

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read: HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME & MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. On the second...

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St.. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.' Arthur thought...

What do you get when you cross GPS with PMS? A ***** you just cant get away from.

Lesson 1 A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says...

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