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A lady, at 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read: HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME & MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON...

Why, oh why, oh why? My eyes hurt.

Oh, man. Good one.

Now, that there is funny!

I hear you. At the very least, I'd be speaking soprano.

The Irish Man of His House. Patrick had just finished reading a new book entitled You Can Be The Man of Your House. He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal...

Maybe the robot isn't getting any, either.

Must have been a blonde.

I teenk my hyock strap too tight.

Now let me tell you everything I know about women. OK, I'm done. (No wise cracks about sex!)

Man, if I asked my wife to try that, I'd be fartin' through a kazoo.

That is hilarious! Could they be Finnish?

That reminds me somewhat of an idiot after Hurricane Gloria struck Long Island back in 1985. Electricity was out all over the Island. Some idiot got the brainstorm of using a shop vac to transfer gasoline from his car's cas tank to run a generator. Kaboom! Burned down his house and himself.

Barney Frank does that with his ***. He uses a skin flute.

I've got the tool that goes with those nuts. I'm kinda attached to it, though, and might not want to part with it.

A woman from New York arrived by train in a remote part of Arizona. She waited and waited for a stage coach to take her to a nearby town. None came. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off...

Her Diary: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day. I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go...

YouTube - ‪Big nipples‬‏ This is just wrong.

Two families moved from Pakistan to America. When they arrived, the two fathers made a bet - in a year's time whichever family had become more American would win. A year later they met again. The first man said, "My son is playing baseball, I had McDonalds for breakfast, and I'm on my way to...

An American businesswoman in Rome was running late and needed to get to the airport to catch a flight. She hailed a cab down and asked the cabbie if he could get her to the airport in a half hour in such heavy traffic. The cabbie said, "Ah, yes, that woulda be not a problem here because only...

After the liberation of Paris, but before the end of WWII, the city was an R&R destination for frontline soldiers. A war-weary American sergeant from a mechanized division was trying to make his way to Paris for a three-day pass. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the full...

I'd like to have handed the Pope a baseball bat.

Stop, already, with jokes about Mullinax's girlfriend!

I'm with you!

The Christmas Parrot One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young...

For those not quite yet in the Christmas spirit...

Nancy Pelosi returns to her plastic surgeon demanding another face lift. The doctor replied, "Lady, if I give you one more face lift, you'll be wearing a goatee!"

The cop mentioned the name of the road when he called the dispatcher, so it is probably a road maintained by the city, town, or county.

Boing!

A quadruple amputee was in the pool. Of course, his name was Bob.