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Last Fourth of July we invited all the family over for a big barbecue. Dad was roasting a chicken on a grill but the electric motor on the rotisserie quit working so Dad had to crank the spit by hand. He did a good job too as the chicken was turning a beautiful golden brown all over, even...

* "I hope your ears turn into arseholes and **** on your shoulders." * "Not enough brains to give 'imself a headache!" * "About as useful as tits on a bull." * "You must be the world's only living brain donor." * "He's a few wanks short of an orgasm." * "She had more pricks than a second...

Three guys enter a special swimming contest whereby each contestant is someone who was born disabled. The first has no arms. The second hasno legs and the third has no body, just a head. The prospect of the race was a bit ridiculous, but the three had all trained and such a contest was...

http://daddu.net/your-bra-can-kill-you-and-other-medical-myths/

AHOY THERE! A lifeboat crew rescued a sailor off the coast of England taking his first voyage. The unnamed 45-year-old man had just bought the boat, which was not suitable for sea voyages, and was trying to navigate from Gillingham to Southampton -- using only a road map. He figured he could...

Whoops! http://www.foxnews.com/world/2010/04/17/aussie-cookbook-recalled-recipe-includes-freshly-ground-black-people/?test=latestnews

In the nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am a Negro, and I'm circumcised! Quickly I jumped up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver's license photo and it was that same color. Black. I felt myself...

1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you...

The latest to convert to Islam is Buckwheat from the Lil Rascals. He has taken the Muslim name of "Kareem of Wheat" as his new name.

Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die." The men left the...

Eat your Wheaties

A man has been shipwrecked on a desert island for ten years. Then one day he is down at the shoreline when he spots a ship on the horizon. He frantically waves his arms and jumps up and down shouting, until he spies a rowboat being let down into the water from the ship. About ten minutes later...

A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where Two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two Americans just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No...

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a > stay of execution. > > > His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he > was feeling worn out and depressed. > > > As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started...

A farmer asked a friend to recommend an attorney to defend him against a charge of bestiality. "I know a great trial lawyer," the fellow said, "but he's expensive and doesn't know how to pick a jury. I know another lawyer," he continued,"who's not a great trial lawyer, but he's cheap and really...

New noun....

ya' gotta laff at this http://funsizebytes.com/post/85607072/play-dead)

On a Saturday afternoon, in Washington, D. C., House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's aide visited the Cardinal of the Catholic cathedral. He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day's sermon, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8cNtH1mULo&eurl=http

On my last trip to Canada, I had the rare pleasure of meeting the leading historian of this great country. Out of curiosity I asked him how their county got it's name. Below is his explanation... There were three explorers, hiking through what is now known as...

For my Northern friends.......