1st Xmas Joke of the Season

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CudaChick1968

CudaChick1968

Leanna ~ The Mistress of Metal
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Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"


The man sheepishly replied, "These are Carols."
 
Ohhhh.

Why does Santa Claus have no kids?





Because he comes only once a year and he brings a bag.
 
Busted my gut good on that one !!

"These are Carols." :toothy10::rock:
 
Wrote this down years ago, don't know if it's all there.


T'was the night before Christmas when all through the garage,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Dodge.

The tires were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Saint Nicholas would fill them with air.

The children were nestled all snug in their stalls,
While visions of tire smoke were shadowing the walls.

Ma in her white walls, and I in my blacks,
Had just settled down for a matter of fact.

When out on the lawn there rose such a fuss,
I sped from my stall like a jet propelled bus.

Away to the door I flew like a flash,
Forgot the black ice and slipped on my ash.

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Gave the luster of fresh wax to objects below.

If what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a custom built Chrysler with toys in the rear.

The little old driver sped on so quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick.

Then in a moment I heard on the rooftop,
The skidding of the tires as he came to a stop .

As I backed away and turned around,
Down the chimney Saint Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Filled the tires, checked the oil, and turned with a jerk.

He sprang to his car, to the motor he gave the gas,
It must be a Hemi it moved so fast.

But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-
night!
 
Ya'll are as bad as the dept stores...... its not even Thanksgiving and you're out with Xmas jokes...... BTW - did you know the annual Easter Egg Roll at the White House has been cancelled....... will be replaced with a watermelon roll......
 
Hey Tom, with my busy schedule, I'd have been lucky to remember to post it closer to Christmas!!! (I do have a good one I'm saving for Thanksgiving though.) Sorry to jump the gun on ya!
 
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