Mark Wainwright
Well-Known Member
1. A blonde was at home watching TV with her girl friends when she heard a noise. She ran out just in time to see a thief drive off in her car. "Did you see their face?" her friends asked when she came back inside.
"No, but it's okay - I got the license plate number!"
2. A man comes home from a night out of drinking with the boys. As he falls through the doorway of his house, his wife snaps at him, “what’s the big idea coming home half drunk?” The man replies, “I’m sorry, honey. I ran out of money.”
3. “Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees. “Yes, sir,” the clerk replied.
“That’s good,” the boss said. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”
4. Little Johnny was caught swearing by his teacher.
"Johnny," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear such talk, anyway?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, that doesn't matter," explained the teacher. "You don't even know what it means."
"I do, too!" Little Johnny retorted. "It means the car won't start."
5. A preacher, newly ordained, was assigned to a small country town. Needing to mail a letter he asked a young boy on the street where he could find the post office. After getting directions, the minister thanked the boy and said, “If you’ll come to the community church this evening, you can hear me tell everyone how to get to heaven.” “I don’t know, sir,” the boy replied. “You don’t even know how to get to the post office!”
"No, but it's okay - I got the license plate number!"
2. A man comes home from a night out of drinking with the boys. As he falls through the doorway of his house, his wife snaps at him, “what’s the big idea coming home half drunk?” The man replies, “I’m sorry, honey. I ran out of money.”
3. “Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees. “Yes, sir,” the clerk replied.
“That’s good,” the boss said. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”
4. Little Johnny was caught swearing by his teacher.
"Johnny," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear such talk, anyway?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, that doesn't matter," explained the teacher. "You don't even know what it means."
"I do, too!" Little Johnny retorted. "It means the car won't start."
5. A preacher, newly ordained, was assigned to a small country town. Needing to mail a letter he asked a young boy on the street where he could find the post office. After getting directions, the minister thanked the boy and said, “If you’ll come to the community church this evening, you can hear me tell everyone how to get to heaven.” “I don’t know, sir,” the boy replied. “You don’t even know how to get to the post office!”
