Bad Santa

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Yup, it's that time of year again. Here we go..... :blackeye:

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Dear Santa

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a
gud boy all
yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn
care. How
about I send you a f**king book so you can learn to
read and
write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger.
At least
HE can spell!
Santa

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Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for
my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see
what you can
do.
Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen
door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to
come back to
your frigid Mom, who rides his *** constantly? It's
time to give
up that dream. Let me get you some nice LEGOs instead.
Santa

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Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I.
Joes, a dog,
a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
LoveFrancis,

Who names their kid Francis, nowadays? I bet you're
gay.
Santa

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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I
left carrots
for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart
in my face
when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor?
Leave me
a bottle of scotch.
Santa

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Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you
busy making
toys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in
Vegas, where I
spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I
unwind by
drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of
cocktail
waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey,
you wanted
to know.
Santa

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Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please
please
PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,

That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but
that crap
doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa

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Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
into our
home?
Love,
Marky

Mark,

First, stop calling yourself Marky, that's why you're
getting
your *** whipped at school. Second, you don't live in
a house,
you live in a low-rent project. Third, I get inside
your pad just
like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

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Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I
ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't
they?
Santa

 

[demon seed]

Santa's a bad man, obviously a candidate for a high colonic.

Terry:toothy7:

 

[catsncudas]

Hahahahahaha:evil4: Gotta remember to get out my favorite Christmas DVD. Bad Santa with Billy Bob Thornton.

 

[memike]

I want a gold satellite 7172 owns!! :love4:
but I will settle for a four door valiant.:blackeye:

Lol John Timmy was excellent:toothy7: