Rob
Well-Known Member
We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:
> > Calling in sick to work makes me
> > uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I
> > always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm
> > lying.
> >
> > On one recent occasion, I had a
> > valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was
> > just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that
> > I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would
> > feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I
> > reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the
> > bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred
> > mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to
> > adopt a cute little kitty.
> > Initially, the new acquisition was
> > no problem.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Then one morning, I was taking my
> > shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb,
> > call out to me from the kitchen.
> >
> > 'Honey! The garbage disposal is
> > dead again. Please come reset it.'
> >
> > 'You know where the button is,' I
> > protested through the shower pitter-patter and
> > steam. 'Reset it yourself!'
> >
> > 'But I'm scared!' she persisted.
> > 'What if it starts going and sucks me in?'
> >
> > There was a meaningful pause and
> > then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.'
> >
> > So out I came, dripping wet and
> > butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity
> > would make a statement about how I perceived her
> > behaviour as extremely cowardly.
> >
> > Sighing loudly, I squatted down
> > and stuck my head under the sink to find the button.
> > It is the last action I remember performing
> >
> > It struck without warning, and
> > without any respect to my circumstances. No, it
> > wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its
> > gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who
> > discovered the fascinating dangling objects she
> > spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised
> > around the corner and stalked me as I reached under
> > the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most
> > vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly
> > offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.
> > I lost all rational thought to control orderly
> > bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate
> > of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging
> > from my masculine region.
> >
> > Wild animals are sometimes faced
> > with a 'fight or flight' syndrome. Men, in this
> > predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know
> > this from experience. I was fleeing straight up
> > into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and
> > forcefully impeded my ascent.
> > The impact knocked me out cold.
> >
> > When I awoke, my wife and the
> > paramedics stood over me.
> >
> > Now there are not many things in
> > this life worse than finding oneself lying on the
> > kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of
> > 'been-there, done-that' paramedics.
> > Even worse, having been fully
> > briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting
> > loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the
> > while trying to suppress their hysterical
> > laughter......and not succeeding.
> >
> > Somehow I lived through it all. A
> > few days later I finally made it back in to the
> > office, where colleagues tried to coax an
> > explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept
> > silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about,
> > which it was.
> >
> > 'What's the matter?' They all
> > asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'
> >
> >
> > If they only knew!
> >
> >
> >
> > Why is it that only the women
> > laugh at this?
> > Calling in sick to work makes me
> > uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I
> > always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm
> > lying.
> >
> > On one recent occasion, I had a
> > valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was
> > just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that
> > I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would
> > feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I
> > reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the
> > bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred
> > mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to
> > adopt a cute little kitty.
> > Initially, the new acquisition was
> > no problem.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Then one morning, I was taking my
> > shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb,
> > call out to me from the kitchen.
> >
> > 'Honey! The garbage disposal is
> > dead again. Please come reset it.'
> >
> > 'You know where the button is,' I
> > protested through the shower pitter-patter and
> > steam. 'Reset it yourself!'
> >
> > 'But I'm scared!' she persisted.
> > 'What if it starts going and sucks me in?'
> >
> > There was a meaningful pause and
> > then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.'
> >
> > So out I came, dripping wet and
> > butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity
> > would make a statement about how I perceived her
> > behaviour as extremely cowardly.
> >
> > Sighing loudly, I squatted down
> > and stuck my head under the sink to find the button.
> > It is the last action I remember performing
> >
> > It struck without warning, and
> > without any respect to my circumstances. No, it
> > wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its
> > gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who
> > discovered the fascinating dangling objects she
> > spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised
> > around the corner and stalked me as I reached under
> > the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most
> > vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly
> > offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.
> > I lost all rational thought to control orderly
> > bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate
> > of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging
> > from my masculine region.
> >
> > Wild animals are sometimes faced
> > with a 'fight or flight' syndrome. Men, in this
> > predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know
> > this from experience. I was fleeing straight up
> > into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and
> > forcefully impeded my ascent.
> > The impact knocked me out cold.
> >
> > When I awoke, my wife and the
> > paramedics stood over me.
> >
> > Now there are not many things in
> > this life worse than finding oneself lying on the
> > kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of
> > 'been-there, done-that' paramedics.
> > Even worse, having been fully
> > briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting
> > loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the
> > while trying to suppress their hysterical
> > laughter......and not succeeding.
> >
> > Somehow I lived through it all. A
> > few days later I finally made it back in to the
> > office, where colleagues tried to coax an
> > explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept
> > silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about,
> > which it was.
> >
> > 'What's the matter?' They all
> > asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'
> >
> >
> > If they only knew!
> >
> >
> >
> > Why is it that only the women
> > laugh at this?
