Daily Joke

[69signetv8]

Kids....

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.

She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake ... The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get Hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."

 

[340mopar]

That was flawless!

I can't stop laughing, I can barely type.

Man, you have the best ones.

Chuck

 

[onehellofadart]

Jimmy boy you've done it again! :sign5:

 

[memike]

A Navel Senior Chief walkes into a bar and take's a seat next to a very attractive women and give's her a quike glans and then casualy look's at his watch for a moment.
the women notises this and ask,Is your date running late? "No he replies this is a state
of the art watch and I was just testing it. The intrigued woman ask 'A state of the art watch' what is so special about it? The senior chief explain's' It uses alpha wave's
to talk to me telepathicly. ,The lady asked him, What is it saying to you now?
Well it's telling me your not wearing any pantie's, The women giggel's and replies.
Well it must be broken for I am wearing panties. The Senior chief smerk's,

Tap's on his
watch and says.Damn thing's an hour fast.

 

[onehellofadart]

We have another winner!

 

[dartcuda]

Good ones. lol

 

[OldVart]

Keep them coming guys!

 

[memike]

Paranoid == Santa Claus is coming to get me :roll:

 

[OldVart]

Is someone following you Mike - NO, don't keep looking over your shoulder!!

 

[memike]

The blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.

"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."

"But I always get it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container it comes in?"

"Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the chemist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "To apply, push up bottom." :headbang:

 

[demon seed]

Excellent Mike.

 

[340dartswinger]

lol these were hilarious!!!

 

[memike]

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head.

She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet.

'Hello?' she cried, but no answer.

'Is there anyone here?' she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, 'HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?'

Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away..............

'We're down here ...'

 

[memike]

This guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine.

Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says: "You ain't from around here, are ya... where ya from, boy?"

The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."

The bartender asks, "What th' hell you do in Iowa?"

The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."

The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... now just what th' hell is a taxidermist?"

The guy says "I mount animals."

The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar,

"It's OK boys, he's one of us!"

I found this and thout I would take a poke at myself
before I poke at any body :tool:

 

[memike]

:coffee2: What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve?

They go into town, and blow a few bucks :headbang:

 

[OldVart]

That last one is a hands down winner Mike.

 

[memike]

I win I win I win I win I wan't a free cd from Onehellofadart!!
Iam diggin his music

 

[2shelbys]

OK, I know this is an old one but it is good. You all remember the hideous John and Lorena Bobbitt thing right? She cut off little john and threw him out the window of the car as she drove away. Well, she didn't realize it, but there was an older couple in the lane beside her and it bounced off of their windshield. The old woman said "Oh my gosh! What kind of bug was that?" and her husband said " I don't know dear but did you see the size of the dick on that thing!"

 

[memike]

ha ha ha =D> =D> good one

 

[memike]

Pharmaceutical companies that make
birth control pills are telling teenage girls
that taking the pill can help clear up their skin.
Do you think that's true?
I think there is a better chance of it
clearing up the boyfriend's skin ... :la:

 

[memike]

A young Redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible", says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?" "No, " she says, " I'm actually a Blonde." "I thought so, the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."