Death and Taxes and Tricky Funeral Urns

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dibbons

dibbons

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Two sure things, death and taxes:

This is usually attributed to Benjamin Franklin, who wrote in a 1789 letter that “Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” However, The Yale Book of Quotations quotes “‘Tis impossible to be sure of any thing but Death and Taxes,” fromChristopher Bullock, The Cobler of Preston (1716). The YBQ also quotes “Death and Taxes, they are certain,” from Edward Ward, The Dancing Devils (1724).

I would like to plan ahead and spare my family those inevitable funeral decisions, just cremate my remains and scatter 'em around the pitaya cactus I have picked out. But in my research, I found USPS regulations regarding the mailing of ashes as well as some interesting funeral urns available, like Kenworth 18 wheelers. For anyone interested:

Publication 139 - How to Package and Ship Cremated Remains

Motorcycle Gas Tank Urns | Car Urns | In The Light Urns

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Hell, I'm drinking outta My urn right now, good ol' Crown Royal Gold !
 
We didn't gt Daddy an urn. He was absolutely determined that we gp the cheapest way out. He threatened to haunt us. lol He was cremated and they gave us his ashes in a metal can that looked like a coffee can.
 
I'm hiring someone to dump My ashes on My ex when she comes outta the Pig slaughter house, she don't work there, she likes to torture the hogs before they get their throats cut, a couple of hogs grabbed the knife and cut their own throats! I can empathize with them.
 
My brother had told my wife at some point that he wanted to be buried in a Hershey cocoa tin. Don't know if he was serious, but he got his request. Well, turned out the size needed was only tin on top and bottom and cardboard sides. Got one off eBay. Then built a box to put it in.
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My sister died when she was 48, and was buried in a local cemetery. She would be 72 if she were still alive. My brother in law died last year, and was in poor shape financially because he was not very good managing his money. He had a simple veterans funeral, and his ashes were buried in our local veterans cemetery. My niece asked for some of his ashes, and they gave them to her. We took a piece of pex pipe, and put a plug in one end....poured some of his ashes in the tube, and then plugged the other end. Both plugs were real pex end plugs, and we squeezed rings on them to seal it water tight. My niece and her husband, my brother in laws son, and my wife and I went to the cemetery where my sister is buried, and drilled a hole in the ground 4' deep with a 3/4 inch bit. They had a headstone, and his name was already on it, because he wanted to be buried with my sister. We dropped his little pex urn into the hole, and tamped him in....fulfilling his wish to be buried by my sister after all those years. The cemetery is none the wiser, and it didn't cost us a dime to bury some of his ashes that way. My niece had his death date put on the stone.
 
Funeral homes sure take advantage of you and work on your emotions during a devastating time. It's criminal when you think about it. Have to keep your wits about you when dealing with them.
 
The President of of our Local union died. He was also an instructor and a good friend. His bat **** crazy wife got pissed at him because he didn’t do all the paperwork for his will.
She came to a union meeting brought 2 big dishes of homemade cookies before it started. I went to the back and saw the cookies and grabbed some. When I walked in the meeting room a guy asked me how Rusty’s asshole tasted and pointed at the urn his wife left there on the podium and said she was pissed at all of us and sprinkled his ashes in the cookies.
His urn is still there after 2 years and no one will dare take him back to her.
 
dibbons said:
Two sure things, death and taxes:

This is usually attributed to Benjamin Franklin, who wrote in a 1789 letter that “Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” However, The Yale Book of Quotations quotes “‘Tis impossible to be sure of any thing but Death and Taxes,” fromChristopher Bullock, The Cobler of Preston (1716). The YBQ also quotes “Death and Taxes, they are certain,” from Edward Ward, The Dancing Devils (1724).

I would like to plan ahead and spare my family those inevitable funeral decisions, just cremate my remains and scatter 'em around the pitaya cactus I have picked out. But in my research, I found USPS regulations regarding the mailing of ashes as well as some interesting funeral urns available, like Kenworth 18 wheelers. For anyone interested:

Publication 139 - How to Package and Ship Cremated Remains

Motorcycle Gas Tank Urns | Car Urns | In The Light Urns

View attachment 1715366734
Click to expand...
You can find some of the craziest stuff. I tell my wife some of your post and she says where do come up with stuff. I say Dibbons and she says you mean Google no Dibbons.
 
Me and my cousin are very close. We spent our entire childhood at my house or his house as both our moms were single during that time.
When we were kids we use to go camping and to the beach a lot both our moms are very outdoorsy.
A few years ago i bought his car off him and drove it 4 hours home.
The next day he calls me up sounding very strange. I could tell something was wrong but couldn't get it out of him. Finally he asks me "did you find anything strange in the car?"
I said no?
Did you look in the spare tire well?

No?

Then he says will you go check it?

Im like what the hell is in the tire well?

He said just go check it for me will ya....

I open it up and his moms ashes are in the tire well. He said he like to sprinkle some each time he would go somewhere nice.

I carefully wrapped them up and mailed them to him.

It was a surreal experience.
 
I left explicit orders with a few of my friends that if I die before my wife, they are to make the spiciest hottest pot of chili they can, then add my cremated ashes to it and feed it to my wife, so I can tear that *** up one more time!
 
SGBARRACUDA said:
I left explicit orders with a few of my friends that if I die before my wife, they are to make the spiciest hottest pot of chili they can, then add my cremated ashes to it and feed it to my wife, so I can tear that *** up one more time!
Click to expand...

Too funny! thanks, needed a chuckle.
 
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