Husband Banned from Walmart

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321Scamp

321Scamp

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This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2 : Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked t he clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least.
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Regards,
Tom Richards
Wal-Mart Manager
 
I solved that problem by holding up the largest pair of women's underware I could find and yelling across the store "Honey is this the size you wear?" She never took me with her again.
 
I am in tears :toothy10: That was so funny :toothy10:
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. I am in my chair LMAO know my wife wants to read it.
 
ahahaha, you forgot about him calling wal-mart back and saying he forgot his cat in the freezer section of the store. since im young and go in there with friends every now and then, we do stupid stuff like that, we got yelled ay for sword fighting with some styrofoam swords in k-mart once.
 
hahahaha that sounds like me and my friends we have jowsting fights in shopping carts down the isle:toothy10:
 
mopar426 said:
hahahaha that sounds like me and my friends we have jowsting fights in shopping carts down the isle:toothy10:
Click to expand...

hahaha, we were going to do that but theres just way to many people everywhere. cant do anything, surprised we got away with the sword fight, man that was a fun day, our k-mart host a car meet every saturday night during the summer and if theyre there, we find some type of trouble. we played catch with a football in the back of k-mart and knocked something down and ran that same day as the sword fight.
 
haha ya we knock stuff down all the time we through the football across the store and play soccer in the isle
 
haha, ya, your only 2 years older so we can get yelled at and they will just say that were kids but if some 30 year old did it, it would be on the weird side haha.
 
when i was a stock-boy my dad used to come in an turn all those talkin fish that hung on the wall to the motion setting then run by and annoy the hell out of me!
 
Haha, me and a couple friends got kicked out of walmart for awhile when I was 14 or 15 because we were playing NASCAR with the shopping carts.....its not our fault there are wrecks in racing :-D
 
Lol those are great.
Me and Tammy went at it with "light sabers" in Walgreens a couple of months ago. It only lasted a couple of minutes though and we left before they kicked us out. That was pretty funny.:-D We have been kicked out of a Waffle House, don't even ask what you have to do to be asked to leave there.8)

She also noticed a teddy bear sitting in the isle in Wal-Mart one night when we had been drinking. I ran up and to it and "held the ball" and she ran and kicked the crap out of that thing! She really sent it too!

We are always acting like idiots. I remember one time in the garage I found two of those really strong cardboard tubes that brake lines come in, I threw her one and said "defend youself" and attacked. That was a really good one!! Lasted about 15 minutes and we battled all over the garage! We were both exhausted when we quit. Our neighbors are convinced we are crazy!! Had a water fight in the front yard a while back too! The really funny part is she is 42 and am 40 and this was only about 6 months ago.

I think doing stupid crap like this together is a good thing as a couple. We both still ride the shopping carts across the parking lot by jumping on them. It is just as fun now as when we were eight! Lighten up and go do something that will make a great story someday!
It sure keeps you young!
 
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