Last one to post in this thread wins!

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I picked-up my birthday present yesterday afternoon (Stihl MS362 w/25" bar, case, extra chain, wedges, and sharpening tool), so here's some gratuitous chainsaw ****:

IMG_0843.JPG


Kinda dwarfs my trusty old(-ish) MS250:

IMG_0844.JPG
IMG_0848.JPG


I really like the 3/8" chain over the .325", as it cut through some 8"-12" windfalls twice as fast as the MS250 (my wife timed it).

IMG_0851.JPG


This one will be plenty big enough for our 3 acre woods, so Happy 60th Birthday to me, I guess!

:thumbsup:
 
ProjectBazza said:
I picked-up my birthday present yesterday afternoon (Stihl MS362 w/25" bar, case, extra chain, wedges, and sharpening tool), so here's some gratuitous chainsaw ****:

View attachment 1716358020

Kinda dwarfs my trusty old(-ish) MS250:

View attachment 1716358024View attachment 1716358026

I really like the 3/8" chain over the .325", as it cut through some 8"-12" windfalls twice as fast as the MS250 (my wife timed it).

View attachment 1716358028

This one will be plenty big enough for our 3 acre woods, so Happy 60th Birthday to me, I guess!

:thumbsup:
Click to expand...
Happy Birthday Buddy, The O6 is a great chainsaw.
 

A store selling new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1: These men Have Jobs.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2: These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow" she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!," she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!." Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help With Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6: You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store.
 
Yunick13 said:
A store selling new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1: These men Have Jobs.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2: These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow" she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!," she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!." Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help With Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6: You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store.
Click to expand...
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
 
On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into her sexiest nightie and with great anticipation crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "It's Lent." In tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Who did you lend it to,and for how long?
 
At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown New Orleans sat a huge black
man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously
gay man walked in and sat beside him.

After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to
the big black man. Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a
********?"

At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked
the sh_t out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool.

He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him
bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat.

Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the black man,
and said, "I've never seen you react like that. What did he say to you?"

"I don't know," the black man replied. "Something about a job."
 
THE PHONE CALL!!!!!!!

"Hello?"

"Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says,

"But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room

with Mommy, right now."

****Brief Pause**** *

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.

Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs

and knock on the bedroom door

and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car

just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed

with no clothes on and ran around screaming.

Then she tripped over the rug,

hit her head on the dresser

and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!!

What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed

with no clothes on, too.

He was all scared

and he jumped out of the back window

and into the swimming pool.

But I guess he didn't know

that you took out the water

last week to clean it.

He hit the bottom of the pool

and I think he's dead"

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool?

Is this 486-5731?"
Click to expand...
 
A woman in her fifties is at home happily jumping unclothed on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year old."

The husband replies, What did he say about your 55 year old ***?"

"Your name never came up," she replied
 
WHY CONDOMS COME IN BOXES OF 3, 6, AND 12?

A man walks into a drug store with his 10 year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, dad?"

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The dad replies, "Those are for the high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday."

"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....... ........"
 
here was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife...'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.'

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,

'Wait just a moment!'

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend said,

'Girl, I know you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'

The loyal wife replied, 'Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him.'

You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?'

'I sure did,' said the wife. 'I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check.... If he can cash it, then he can spend it.'
 
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small *****.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'
'Just take two,' Brenda replied . 'The rest are for your father.
 
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