SCredneck
LARGE member
Political Science for DummiesDEMOCRAT* *You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.* You feel guilty for being successful.* You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.* **REPUBLICAN* *You have two cows.* Your neighbor has none.. So?* * **SOCIALIST* *You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.* You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.* * **COMMUNIST* *You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.* You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour..* * **CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE* *You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.* * **BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE* *You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain..* * **AMERICAN CORPORATION* *You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.* You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.* You are surprised when one cow drops dead.* You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.* Your stock goes up.* * **FRENCH CORPORATION* *You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.* You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.* * **JAPANESE CORPORATION* *You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.* They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.* * **GERMAN CORPORATION* *You have two cows.* You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.* Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.* * **ITALIAN CORPORATION* *You have two cows but you don't know where they are.* You break for lunch. Life is good.* **RUSSIAN CORPORATION* *You have two cows. You drink some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows.* You drink some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.* The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.* **TALIBAN CORPORATION* *You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.* You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's*private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.* * **IRAQI CORPORATION* *You have two cows. They go into hiding.* They send radio tapes of their mooing.* **POLISH CORPORATION* *You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.* **BELGIAN CORPORATION* *You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French,*at other times he's Flemish.* The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.* The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.* **FLORIDA CORPORATION* *You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one.* Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the*black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best*looking cow.* **CALIFORNIA CORPORATION* *You have millions of cows.* They make real* California cheese.* Only five speak English. Most are illegal. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
