- Joined
- Jun 2, 2004
- Messages
- 5,034
- Reaction score
- 39
In this day & age of everyone having a computer people have taken it upon themselves to flood our mailboxes with every imaginable piece of junk-mail that comes along. On-line gambling....Viagra....Valium....rent-a-date.....pray for this....watch out for that....beware of them....join us......
Here's the reply we should all have waiting for these people:
>>I want to thank all of you who have taken the time
and trouble to send me
so many email advisories over the past year.
>>Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed,
and wealthy.
>>Because of your concern, I no longer can drink Coca
Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. In fact, I no longer drink anything out of a can
because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
>>I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because
it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on
pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle
infected with AIDS.
>>I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even
though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
>>I no longer go to shopping malls because someone
will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
>>I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since
they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
>>I no longer shop at Target since they are French and
don't support our American troops.
>>I no longer answer the phone because someone will
ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get
the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
>>I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the
estrogens they contain will turn me GAY. I no longer
eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
>>I no longer date the opposite sex because they will
take my kidneys and
leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
>>I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will
change once I receive my free
replacement pair from Nike.
>>I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus
since I now have their recipe.
>>I no longer worry about my soul because I have
363,214 angels looking out for
me and St Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
>>Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers
my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my
friends and make a wish within five minutes. (Geez,
>>the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)
>>I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for
the 1,387,258th time). I no longer have any money at
all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000
that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program.
>>Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for
looking out for me! I will now return the favor. If
you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in
the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will
poop on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon and the
fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I
know this will occur because it actually happened to a
friend of a friend of a friend.
>>PS - If you aren't rolling on the floor with
laughter - you should be.... :tongue3:
Here's the reply we should all have waiting for these people:
>>I want to thank all of you who have taken the time
and trouble to send me
so many email advisories over the past year.
>>Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed,
and wealthy.
>>Because of your concern, I no longer can drink Coca
Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. In fact, I no longer drink anything out of a can
because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
>>I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because
it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on
pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle
infected with AIDS.
>>I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even
though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
>>I no longer go to shopping malls because someone
will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
>>I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since
they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
>>I no longer shop at Target since they are French and
don't support our American troops.
>>I no longer answer the phone because someone will
ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get
the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
>>I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the
estrogens they contain will turn me GAY. I no longer
eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
>>I no longer date the opposite sex because they will
take my kidneys and
leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
>>I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will
change once I receive my free
replacement pair from Nike.
>>I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus
since I now have their recipe.
>>I no longer worry about my soul because I have
363,214 angels looking out for
me and St Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
>>Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers
my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my
friends and make a wish within five minutes. (Geez,
>>the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)
>>I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for
the 1,387,258th time). I no longer have any money at
all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000
that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program.
>>Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for
looking out for me! I will now return the favor. If
you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in
the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will
poop on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon and the
fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I
know this will occur because it actually happened to a
friend of a friend of a friend.
>>PS - If you aren't rolling on the floor with
laughter - you should be.... :tongue3:
