ramenth
Gratis persona
Please.
As most of you know, I was responsible in carrying out my first wife's wishes for end of life treatment. When we found out she had the brain tumor we sat and talked at length about her wishes. As her husband I was granted the authority, by law, to be her voice in all medical matters since she was unable to speak for herself. But she filled out the necessary paperwork, too, giving me health care proxy in case there were any outside forces who may have challenged me.
While in a coma she had the whole nine - or three as the case may be - traceotomy, pick line feeding her directly into her stomach and forgive me for not remembering the third. I also put into place a Do Not Resuscitate, knowing that if she went into cardiac arrest her already ailing brain wouldn't be able to survive the loss of oxygen and she would never live a life without aid.
She wasn't afraid to die. She was afraid of living brain damaged and unable to do the basic like feed herself or go to the bathroom by herself. She didn't want to live hooked up to machines.
Recently the flip side of this happened.
Karli's aunt, Jen, even suffering from cancer, and her husband never had such a talk.
The cancer thickened her blood and caused clotting that lead to several strokes. Finally, that clotting led to a massive heart attack that necessitated the use of machines to keep her alive.
Even after the strokes she still never had a plan put into place.
He was willing to leave her on the support machines forever. Or he wasn't. He flipped and flopped. I'm not going to judge the man as someone who's been there on a minute by minute basis, the emotional stress of the situation can take a rational person insane, knowing you hold the life of the person you hold most dear in the palm of your hands.
One of the reasons it's so important to have a plan in place.
A decision like this has to be made with a surety of conviction that is what your loved one wants.
While you or you loved one may live on on, you or your loved has to live knowing you or your loved one did the right thing.
I know I did, as that's what Sarah wanted me to do.
Jen's husband will not. Jen's sister, Karli's mom, convinced him to let Jen go. Now he and she both have to live on. Him, not thoroughly convinced he made the correct decision and her for having to take a responsibility that wasn't her's to take on.
Make sure your ancillary loved ones - those not responsible for the decision - know what is to be done and make sure they know the laws associated with marriage and health care proxies (the one you assign to make this decision doesn't have to be your spouse/partner). Jen's mother, Karli's grandmother, actually thought she and Karli's grandfather, as Jen's parents, had the legal authority in this matter, not Jen's husband. Make sure it's ironclad, if it's not your spouse, as they are families who may disagree with your decision or the decision you're asking someone else to make on your behalf.
The law in most states are clear: marriage takes precedence, but there will be parents/siblings/etc who may challenge you in court. Make sure they can't so it doesn't get prolonged like Terry Schiavo.
Sorry for the long winded preachy post. This is a topic close to my heart and I advocate for it every chance I can get.
As most of you know, I was responsible in carrying out my first wife's wishes for end of life treatment. When we found out she had the brain tumor we sat and talked at length about her wishes. As her husband I was granted the authority, by law, to be her voice in all medical matters since she was unable to speak for herself. But she filled out the necessary paperwork, too, giving me health care proxy in case there were any outside forces who may have challenged me.
While in a coma she had the whole nine - or three as the case may be - traceotomy, pick line feeding her directly into her stomach and forgive me for not remembering the third. I also put into place a Do Not Resuscitate, knowing that if she went into cardiac arrest her already ailing brain wouldn't be able to survive the loss of oxygen and she would never live a life without aid.
She wasn't afraid to die. She was afraid of living brain damaged and unable to do the basic like feed herself or go to the bathroom by herself. She didn't want to live hooked up to machines.
Recently the flip side of this happened.
Karli's aunt, Jen, even suffering from cancer, and her husband never had such a talk.
The cancer thickened her blood and caused clotting that lead to several strokes. Finally, that clotting led to a massive heart attack that necessitated the use of machines to keep her alive.
Even after the strokes she still never had a plan put into place.
He was willing to leave her on the support machines forever. Or he wasn't. He flipped and flopped. I'm not going to judge the man as someone who's been there on a minute by minute basis, the emotional stress of the situation can take a rational person insane, knowing you hold the life of the person you hold most dear in the palm of your hands.
One of the reasons it's so important to have a plan in place.
A decision like this has to be made with a surety of conviction that is what your loved one wants.
While you or you loved one may live on on, you or your loved has to live knowing you or your loved one did the right thing.
I know I did, as that's what Sarah wanted me to do.
Jen's husband will not. Jen's sister, Karli's mom, convinced him to let Jen go. Now he and she both have to live on. Him, not thoroughly convinced he made the correct decision and her for having to take a responsibility that wasn't her's to take on.
Make sure your ancillary loved ones - those not responsible for the decision - know what is to be done and make sure they know the laws associated with marriage and health care proxies (the one you assign to make this decision doesn't have to be your spouse/partner). Jen's mother, Karli's grandmother, actually thought she and Karli's grandfather, as Jen's parents, had the legal authority in this matter, not Jen's husband. Make sure it's ironclad, if it's not your spouse, as they are families who may disagree with your decision or the decision you're asking someone else to make on your behalf.
The law in most states are clear: marriage takes precedence, but there will be parents/siblings/etc who may challenge you in court. Make sure they can't so it doesn't get prolonged like Terry Schiavo.
Sorry for the long winded preachy post. This is a topic close to my heart and I advocate for it every chance I can get.
