Rob
Well-Known Member
EIGHTH PLACE:
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide
sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
SEVENTH PLACE
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on
his daily run.
SIXTH PLACE
Buxton, NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep
hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers
said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the
wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday
afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People
on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying
to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not
reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour
to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead
at a local hospital.
FIFTH PLACE
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth
(to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the
floor.
FOURTH PLACE
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville,
Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver
loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
"You can't fix stupid." These people prove it is a terminal condition.
As always, competition this year has been keen.
THIRD PLACE (THIS ONE SHOULD HAVE BEEN FIRST PLACE)
The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in
Washington, DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his
lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop specializing in
handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a
marked police patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having
coffee before work.
5. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced
a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
6. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the
police officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE,
assisted by armed customers, several of whom also drew and fired.
7. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics.
Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the
shop.
8. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.
Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was
hurt in the exchange of fire.
HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township,
NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of
dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored
couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what
would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP:
TACOMA , WA - Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several
friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped
from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The
conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the
walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM Upon arrival at the midpoint of the
bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. One end of the
cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to
the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore
his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the
icy salt water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen.
"All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching
out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it."
Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER...
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn, Germany)
fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and
more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up
pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds
of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him.
"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay
unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one
there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour
before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It
seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves.. "S**t happens."
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide
sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
SEVENTH PLACE
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on
his daily run.
SIXTH PLACE
Buxton, NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep
hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers
said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the
wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday
afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People
on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying
to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not
reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour
to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead
at a local hospital.
FIFTH PLACE
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth
(to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the
floor.
FOURTH PLACE
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville,
Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver
loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
"You can't fix stupid." These people prove it is a terminal condition.
As always, competition this year has been keen.
THIRD PLACE (THIS ONE SHOULD HAVE BEEN FIRST PLACE)
The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in
Washington, DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his
lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop specializing in
handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a
marked police patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having
coffee before work.
5. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced
a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
6. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the
police officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE,
assisted by armed customers, several of whom also drew and fired.
7. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics.
Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the
shop.
8. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.
Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was
hurt in the exchange of fire.
HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township,
NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of
dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored
couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what
would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP:
TACOMA , WA - Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several
friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped
from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The
conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the
walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM Upon arrival at the midpoint of the
bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. One end of the
cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to
the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore
his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the
icy salt water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen.
"All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching
out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it."
Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER...
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn, Germany)
fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and
more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up
pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds
of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him.
"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay
unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one
there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour
before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It
seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves.. "S**t happens."
