The redhead and the doctor...

[GotDart]

Shamelessly lifted from another board.

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams, then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony. She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams.

Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor says.




"Your finger is broken."
__________________

 

[73Scamp]

No More Children!



After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough so
the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife/cousin
didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could
fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb
(fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, and then
hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The man said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see
how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me,
I don't want to go deaf!"

So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia
physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy
when he noticed that they were from Alabama.

This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it,
place it in a beer can, and then hold it to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a
cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and
began to count, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . .", at which point he paused, placed the
beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

 

[snowymountainman]

Don't shoot the messenger...I did laugh my *** off when I read it and I'm from Montana...where the Men are Men, and the sheep are nervous.

A young Montana cowboy was riding the fences with a friend of his from California (Northern California) who was on Vacation and looking for a good time. The Californian was having a hard time getting used to the saddle and the sun was getting hotter and hotter. they stumbled upon this fairly attractive (I'm not going there) ewe with her head and front legs tangled in the fence. The Montanan knows a good thing when he sees it so out of the saddle he flies and snuggles up behind the sheep. Velcro gloves ya know.

Upon finishing he turns to the "dude" from California and asks "you want some of that?"

Not to be outdone the "dude" jumps off his horse and proceedes to tangle his head in the fence......

[/quote]

 

[Käkö]

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting all alone at a nearby table. He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of
Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that, if she accepts it, she is his.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly brings it over to the woman, saying this is from the gentleman over there. She looks at the wine and sends a note over to the man.

Her note reads: For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a BMW in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and seven inches in your pants.

"The man, after reading her note,chuckles, and sends a note of his own back to her.

His note reads: "Just so you know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850, and a Volvo in my garage. I have over twenty-five million dollars in the bank.

But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three
inches off, so....................

JUST SEND THE BOTTLE BACK.

 

[onehellofadart]

3 x :laughing:

 

[Cuda66]

I'm stealing that one from you Kako!

 

[Mopardude]

Awesome jokes! Here one I heard the other day.



There was this Indian riding along with with a horse, sheep, and dog. They come upon this Cowboy. Cowboy asks Indian if he can talk to his dog. Indian says "dog no talk". So the Cowboy talks to the dog anyways and has a little conversation. Cowboy asks the dog if his owner, the Indian, is good to him. Dog says "he is ok". Cowboy asks the Indian than if he can talk to his horse. Indian says "horse no talk". So again the Cowboy has a little conversation with the horse and asks the horse the same question. Horse says "he is ok". Cowboy than asks the Indian if he can talk to his sheep. Indian says "sheep Lies!".

 

[BadAssDodge]

Q.What did the chinese family name their retarded son?

A. Sum Tin Wong

 

[Käkö]

I'm stealing that one from you Kako!

No problem what so ever... :!:


Women teacher was given an extra lesson in math and decide to give one easy quiz first;
She ask a boy student in a front row; In a tree, there are three birds sitting, a hunter shot one of the birds, how many birds you got left?
The boy; Zero, totally zero!
Teacher: What, what make you say that, can't you count the birds?
The boy: Well, the hunter shots one bird and others take a hike 'cause the gun makes a big noise...
Teacher: It's not a right answer but i like the way you think...
The boy: Can i ask you something?
Teacher: Yes!
The boy: There is three women sitting in a bench and they got icecreams, one is biting the icecream, one is licking the icecream, and one is sucking the icecream, which woman is married?
Teacher: That one who's sucking the icecream.
The boy: Wrong answer, she's married who wears the wedding ring in her finger, but i like the way you think...