Tom, please let me just say this. the church is made of people, and by the nature of all of us human beings, we are not perfect, none of us. and yes, it is so easy for people to be hypocritical, including the pastor. the word of God is what matters.
in the Christian church, the job of the pastor is to explain the Bible and its meaning. seek the word of God thru the Bible, if of the Christian belief.
the word of God is what is important. people can disappoint us, or they can make all the difference in the world to us. I ask that you Tom and Dee find strength in your beliefs. . I must have the help of a pastor trained to interpret the Bible as I am not smart enough to do it on my own in general,
find strength in the love you have for each other. find comfort in the fact there are many people in this world that do care about you guys. I wish to could make everything alright. take care.