Whoops.

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I walked into a elevator and an older lady walked out. She killed it before I walked in and now I'm alone in the gas. Next floor a hot young lady gets in and takes a whiff and gives me the dirty look. I didn't even try to explain it.
 
My son and I were visiting at the hospital and we're in the elevator. Just before it stopped I ripped one, one that would bring a tear to a glass eye. It stopped and we both got out as we walked away I heard someone go UGH!! We both had tears in our eyes from laughing
 
I swear my Dad could fart on request and did so often but I can’t remember them ever stinking. I swear it was about 80-20. 80% of the girls would crack up laughing and 20% would look at him like he was a nutty old man.
 
a kid in grade school asked me "Do you know why farts smell? So the Deaf can enjoy them too!" Crazy kid......pull my finger!
 
I was skiing in Jackson Hole with 2 friends and after a night of heavy beer consumption we were riding the tram up the mountain and packed in like sardines when I let an especially bad beer fart rip .... you can picture the rest ! There were around 30 people in that hermetically sealed can !
 
Back in my city transit driver days, I was nearing the end of the route, it was fairly late in the evening, and I had been holding one for a while. It reached the point that I had to release the pressure, so I took a quick glance in the mirrors, didn't see anyone else on the bus, so I rolled up on the left cheek and let it rip. Boy did I feel better, but about 30 seconds later the stop request bell rang! Oh jeez, up walks a good looking woman, about my age, she'd been sitting behind me where I couldn't see her in the mirror. She kinda looked at me, I said that I was sorry, and I didn't realize that she was still on the bus. She just smiled and said when ya gotta, ya gotta, don't worry about it. I still felt kinda bad, but it was really a big relief.
 
missing linc said:
Back in my city transit driver days, I was nearing the end of the route, it was fairly late in the evening, and I had been holding one for a while. It reached the point that I had to release the pressure, so I took a quick glance in the mirrors, didn't see anyone else on the bus, so I rolled up on the left cheek and let it rip. Boy did I feel better, but about 30 seconds later the stop request bell rang! Oh jeez, up walks a good looking woman, about my age, she'd been sitting behind me where I couldn't see her in the mirror. She kinda looked at me, I said that I was sorry, and I didn't realize that she was still on the bus. She just smiled and said when ya gotta, ya gotta, don't worry about it. I still felt kinda bad, but it was really a big relief.
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That probably wasn't ever her regular stop. She just wanted the FK out !
:rofl::rofl:
 
Have a friend who was so rotten he could stop a car load of people on the hwy and evacuate the car. Was the most gross smell ever like a skunk
 
I was riding in an elevator with two workmen when a rather noxious cloud filled the elevator car. The smaller of the two asked "Al, did you fart again?" The big burly one said "Of course I did! Do you think I smell this bad all the time?" Best response I've ever heard to that question!
 
Ahoey said:
Have a friend who was so rotten he could stop a car load of people on the hwy and evacuate the car. Was the most gross smell ever like a skunk
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Since I had Covid during thanksgiving last year either my farts smell worse or I burnt the inside of my nasal cavity. I can fart in my sleep and it gets sucked into my Cpap and it’s enough to gag a maggot.
 
Mark Wainwright said:
My son and I were visiting at the hospital and we're in the elevator. Just before it stopped I ripped one, one that would bring a tear to a glass eye. It stopped and we both got out as we walked away I heard someone go UGH!! We both had tears in our eyes from laughing
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That's just wrong I have farted next to my wife in a store and just inexplicably disappeared before...run down the aisle and around the corner etc.
 
My wife is a retired teacher.
While teaching her 2nd class one of the kids farted.
Just then a student late for class walked in, sniffed and said "I smell Pizza"!
 
Dartswinger70 said:
Sounds like "drinking" farts is the guy a boozer?
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In those years we were all boozers. Country drinkin everybody still lived at mom and pops place, the only place we had away from them was our cars. So we would all pile into the super nova 72 my car 4 door 6 banger 3 in tree, or the space ship super star 70 grand marquis 428 or 9 can’t remember, the monte 73 monte 350 and numerous other which all had names. Standin around chip stand, take out burger joint, someone would yell out party at the bridge. We’d all jump in our cars go buy a 2 four and head out. Got bon fire going, speaker’s on roof of car tunes cranked party on. Cops never really bothered us, never left a mess all bottles came home in trunk, no one around to ***** about music, happy days.
 
Dartswinger70 said:
That's just wrong I have farted next to my wife in a store and just inexplicably disappeared before...run down the aisle and around the corner etc.[/QUOTE
Around here, we call that Crop Dusting. You blow a really good one in a store, and then walk away. Sometimes you can look to see if anyone walks through the plume and reacts.
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Come on guys you’ve never been at a concert, at a wedding, hockey game, and squeezed off an SBD silent but deadly. Some dirty looks flying around. LOL. or how about giving the wife a Dutch oven, always good for a slap
 
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