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don't ask, don't tell... PFC Barney Frank reporting for duty....

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall . The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin...

My Father is a Stripper in a Gay Bar... One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth. However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically...

>A preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed >over, >please come forward to the front by the altar." > >With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, >"Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?" > >Leroy replied...

Rules for Bullshit Bingo 1. Before Barrack Obama's next televised speech, prepare your "Bullshit Bingo" card by drawing a square (I find that 5" x 5" is a good size -- and dividing it into columns --five across and five down. That will give you 25 1-inch blocks.) 2. Write one of...

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a...

High Urinals A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs ) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses. When it was time to take the...

Big Baby Boy A Carroll County man is drinking in a Clinton County bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Carroll County baby boy...

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America . Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the disaster was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that...

http://www.t-six.com/funny-stuff/66235-snls-breath-right-strips.html

What's the difference between an American fighter pilot and an Iraqi fighter pilot? An American fighter pilot breaks ground and flies into the wind.

Subject: Diamond Bracelet > > A lady walks into Tiffany's. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond > > bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more > > closely, she unexpectedly farts. > > > > Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone...

HOW IS NORMA? ............. This is hilarious! A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room Number...

Only in Canada would you see a sign like this! *Make sure to read the whole sign.:toothy10:

From da Mailbag. President BARACK OBAMA was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York . He spoke for almost an hour about his plans for increasing every Native American’s present standard of living. He referred to his time as a U.S...

The Soldier and the Nun A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.' The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?' The nun replied, 'He went that way.' After...

A man was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the...

NANCY REAGAN'S LETTER of FORGIVENESS You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young man who shot President Reagan in the early 1980's. Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster, extremely jealous, and in his twisted mind, loved Jodie...

> A wealthy woman was being shown around a hospital. During her tour she > passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously. > > "Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgusting! ...... Why is he doing > that?" > > The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained...

A small zoo in Arkansas received a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the vet determined the problem - the gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available to take care of the...

A farmer was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, 'Would you like to buy some peaches?' She pulled the top of the negligee to one side...

Newspaper Clips

A retired friend went into the Job Center in Downtown Denver, and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details. The clerk pulled up the file and read; "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You...

:fart:------NOW THIS IS FUNNY~~~~~ !!! Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those...

Gimme a Little Head A man walks into a bar and sees a man with a tiny head about the size of an orange. He asks the bartender what had happened to the man. The bartender says, "Well, he was on a beach and saw a beautiful mermaid." "The mermaid swam up to him and offered him a single...

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar. FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS OUR TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. The Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at once and...

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband's libido. 'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor? 'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.' 'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'...

A Blonde and a Brunette were in an elevator with a man. They both noticed he had some dandruff on his shirt, but were too nice to say anything to him about it. Once he finally got out two floors later, the Brunette said, "Wow, somebody should give that man some Head n Shoulders" and the...

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air. She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward...

Fwd: SHE WAS A WITCH TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL. THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, 'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND...