Search results for query: *

A lady, at 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read: HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME & MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON...

The Irish Man of His House. Patrick had just finished reading a new book entitled You Can Be The Man of Your House. He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal...

A woman from New York arrived by train in a remote part of Arizona. She waited and waited for a stage coach to take her to a nearby town. None came. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off...

Her Diary: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day. I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go...

Two families moved from Pakistan to America. When they arrived, the two fathers made a bet - in a year's time whichever family had become more American would win. A year later they met again. The first man said, "My son is playing baseball, I had McDonalds for breakfast, and I'm on my way to...

An American businesswoman in Rome was running late and needed to get to the airport to catch a flight. She hailed a cab down and asked the cabbie if he could get her to the airport in a half hour in such heavy traffic. The cabbie said, "Ah, yes, that woulda be not a problem here because only...

After the liberation of Paris, but before the end of WWII, the city was an R&R destination for frontline soldiers. A war-weary American sergeant from a mechanized division was trying to make his way to Paris for a three-day pass. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the full...

The Christmas Parrot One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young...

For those not quite yet in the Christmas spirit...

Amost and Andy stopped to take a leak while crossing a bridge. Amos turned to Andy and said, "Water's cold." Andy said, "Hmm. Deep, too."

"How to Perform Proper Circumcisions" by Rabbi Will Kutscherpekeroff "Ancient Chinese Insults" by Hu Flung Dung

...a good parking spot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGf-sS4js5Y I guess they're getting ready for the Germans again.

What is the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a female track and field team? The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.

Uncanny, ain't it?

yeeehawwww

Old mother Hubbard Went to her cupboard To get her poor dog a bone. When granny bent over, Rover took over And gave her a bone of his own.

What does the starship Enterprise have in common with toilet paper? They both circle Uranus, wiping out Klingons.

A baldheaded man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He has no idea what to wear so he writes a letter to the costume company. A week later a package and a letter arrive. “Dear Sir, enclosed please find a pirate costume. The neckerchief will hide your bald head and with your...

The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law...

Q) What is the difference between a tribe of Pygmys and a female soccer team? A) The Pygmys are a band of cunning runts.

Five surgeons were discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon said, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because, when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second responded, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside...