12 Dad jokes

[joel d. snyder]

great job, guys! 1. what do snowmen eat for lunch? iceburgers with chilly sauce. 2. why did the nurse need a red pen? in case she needed to draw blood. oh, and did you know that raymond burr [ perry mason ] had a younger brother? he was a logger named ..... tim.

 

[Yunick13]

 

[Yunick13]

 

[Yunick13]

 

[joel d. snyder]

all right ! 1.what kind of poop smells better than it tastes? shampoop. 2. how does a rancher keep track of his cattle? with a cow-culator.

 

[j par]

Y'all are funnier than a horse with a kickstand...
Or a submarine with a screen door.....

 

[j par]

I got a knock knock joke for ya... you start...

 

[ProjectBazza]

all right ! 1.what kind of poop smells better than it tastes? shampoop. 2. how does a rancher keep track of his cattle? with a cow-culator.

100% "groanable" as always!

Thank you!

 

[jeff alder]

There was a religious family whose mother bought a deluxe ham from a door-to-door salesman branded GOD DAMN HAM. She made the ham for super, and her kids kept saying pass the God Damn Ham. The father was getting very upset and finally said do not use the Lord's name in vain. His wife tried to explain it was just the brand name of the ham. The "dad" said I don't care what the brand name is "Pass the ******* potatoes!"

 

[Unconventional]

There was a religious family whose mother bought a deluxe ham from a door-to-door salesman branded GOD DAMN HAM. She made the ham for super, and her kids kept saying pass the God Damn Ham. The father was getting very upset and finally said do not use the Lord's name in vain. His wife tried to explain it was just the brand name of the ham. The "dad" said I don't care what the brand name is "Pass the ******* potatoes!"

 

[joel d. snyder]

here we go.... 1. i had to scrape ice off my windshield using my grocery store loyalty card. i only got 10% off. 2. an amnesiac walks into a bar. he goes up to a beautiful woman and says "so, do i come here often?"

 

[joel d. snyder]

good evening! ..1. what is the toilet's favorite sport? bowling. 2. why did the robber jump in the shower? he wanted to make a clean getaway.

 

[joel d. snyder]

these are a little dated but there's a lot of old guys on here.....1. how is losing money in a payphone like a football game? if you don't get the quarter back, you hit the receiver. 2. i thought my new strategy was going to help me succeed at playground hopscotch, but i still couldn't finish it. i guess it's back to square one.

 

[Ahoey]

I used to be a coyote, but I’m feeling much better nooooooooooooow!!!!

 

[joel d. snyder]

1. why did the fish refuse to play basketball? because he was afraid of the net. 2. why didn't the dog want to do karate? because he was a boxer.

 

[Ahoey]

I used to be a coyote, but I’m feeling much better nooooooooooooow!!!!

Works much better after 5/6 beers

 

[RustyRatRod]

 

[joel d. snyder]

good evening folks.......1. why did the crab never share? because he was shellfish. 2. what kind of swimming stroke can you use on toast? butter-fly.

 

[joel d. snyder]

ok, even i am not impressed with these 2......1. why did the teacher write the information on the windows? because he wanted the lesson to be very clear. 2. why can't dogs play soccer? because they're constantly fouling.

 

[joel d. snyder]

today's contestants....1.what do you get if you cross a cheetah with a burger? fast food. 2. i decided to connect all of my watches to make a belt. it was a real waist of time.

 

[Yunick13]

 

[joel d. snyder]

hello, race fans and hot rodders......1.which of santa's reindeer are dinosaurs afraid of? comet 2. i made a pencil with 2 erasers. it was pointless.

 

[Ahoey]

hello, race fans and hot rodders......1.which of santa's reindeer are dinosaurs afraid of? comet 2. i made a pencil with 2 erasers. it was pointless.

#2, keeps me from making mistakes

 

[ProjectBazza]

20 years ago or so my first wife got me some "Tonight Show with Johnny Carson" pencils that were made the same, as that's what Johnny used when was drumming on his desk.

Still have them too....somewhere.

 

[joel d. snyder]

once again....1. what do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? remorse code. 2. what does a bad carpenter make? loose stools.