Dusteriffic
Stink finger
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
:mrgreen::toothy10::mrgreen::toothy10::mrgreen:
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "'Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's how the fight started...
:toothy10::mrgreen::toothy10::mrgreen::toothy10:
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept
staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And that's how the fight started...
:mrgreen::toothy10::mrgreen::toothy10::mrgreen:
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for benefits. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So, I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she
processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And that's how the fight started...
:toothy10::mrgreen::toothy10::mrgreen::toothy10:
My wife was standing nude in front of the bedroom mirror. Making faces, she was obviously not happy with what she saw.
She said to me, "I feel horrible. I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
I replied, "Your eyesight seems to be perfect."
And that's how the fight started...
:mrgreen::toothy10::mrgreen::toothy10::mrgreen:
When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
:mrgreen::toothy10::mrgreen::toothy10::mrgreen:
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "'Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's how the fight started...
:toothy10::mrgreen::toothy10::mrgreen::toothy10:
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept
staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And that's how the fight started...
:mrgreen::toothy10::mrgreen::toothy10::mrgreen:
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for benefits. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So, I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she
processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And that's how the fight started...
:toothy10::mrgreen::toothy10::mrgreen::toothy10:
My wife was standing nude in front of the bedroom mirror. Making faces, she was obviously not happy with what she saw.
She said to me, "I feel horrible. I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
I replied, "Your eyesight seems to be perfect."
And that's how the fight started...
:mrgreen::toothy10::mrgreen::toothy10::mrgreen:
