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memike

memike

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A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.

His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?"

"Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave.

"Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade." :salute: :salute:
 
A Canadian Journal
Date: Sun, 3 Nov
Ah,yes... O Canada, Our home and native land!

Dear Diary

Aug. 12 - Moved to our new home in Canada. I am so excited. It's so beautiful here. The mountains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them.
Oct. 14 - Canada -- it is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful countryside and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here!
Nov. 11 - Remembrance Day. Deer season starts soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it snows soon. I love it here!
Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won). When the snow plough came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love Canada!
Dec. 12 - More snow last night. The snow plough did his trick again to the driveway. I love it here.
Dec. 19 - More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work. It's beautiful here but I'm exhausted from shoveling. F#cking snow plough.
Dec. 22 - More of that white **** fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands and a sore back from shoveling. I think the snow plough hides around the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway. Asshole.
Dec. 25 - Merry F#cking Christmas! More frigging snow. If I ever get my hands on the sonovabitch who drives the snow plough, I swear I'll kill the bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the f#cking ice.
Dec. 27 - More white **** last night. Been inside for three days now except for shoveling out the driveway after that snow plough goes through every time. Can't go anywhere, the car's stuck in a mountain of white crap and it is so frigging cold. The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches of the crap again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?
Dec. 28 - That f#cking weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of the crap this time. At this rate it won't melt before summer. The snow plough got stuck up in the road and that bastard came to my door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him that I had already
broken six shovels shoveling out all the crap he had pushed into my driveway, I damn near broke my last one over his f#cking head.
Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on my way back a damned deer ran in front of the car. Did about $3,000 damage to the car. Those beasts should be killed. The bastards are everywhere. Wish the hunters had
exterminated them all last November.
May 3 - Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusted out from all that salt they put all over the roads.
May 10 - Moved to Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever want to live in such a God forsaken place as Canada!

Fun intended :thumbup:
 
Signs showing you might be from Canada...

You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK".

You understand the phrase "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."

You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

You drink Pop, not Soda.

You know that a Mickey and 2-4's mean, "party at the camp, eh!!!"

You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars and no Americans.

You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.

You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.

You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion, Michael J. Fox, John Candy, William Shatner, Tom Green, Matthew Perry, Mike Myers, Neve Campbell, Pamela Anderson Lee & many more, are Canadians.

You know that the CEO of American Airlines is a Canadian.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed".

Your local newspaper covers national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.

You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road work.

You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.

You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan".

You perk up when you hear the theme song from 'Hockey Night in Canada'.

You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

"Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite than, "Huh?"

You say "aboot" instead of "about"

Your Beer Case handles Are Big Enough To Fit Your Mitts

When you own 5 pairs of hockey skates and only one pair of shoes.

You know that we don't all live in igloos and ride polar bears to work.

Every murder is reported.

You can understand Jean Chrétien (most of the time, anyway :salute:
 
Those are good Mike, I like the signs you're from Canada. My last name ends in Z, if I'm ordering parts or something from the States on the phone and I spell my name when I get to "Zed" there's dead silence on the other end like I just said something in Greek. I have got used to just going with "Zee" to simplify things :thumbup: It is amazing that the average American knows virtually nothing about Canada while the average Canadian knows almost as much about America as an American :salute:
 
Fargo was one of Chryslers brand names for trucks. They used it a lot in Canada, so you will find a Dodge A-100 van with Fargo nameplates for example.

A Vart is a nickname for those funky Canadian Valiants that look like a Valiant from the front, but have a Dart rear end, not sure of the years but mid '60's. We affectionately call 'em Varts.

Uh oh, now our secrets are out!
 
I thought that varts was a nice way to say farts and fargo meant how far an old fart would go to get a 40 oz of CC, :axe:
 
Yer close Mike!! If you look at my car, it's one of those CDN 66 Valiant Signets. It has the US Dart body, VIN, taillights, grille, etc, but it has the Valiant Signet insignia inside and out. Hence my login name: OldVart. Now you just have to figure out if the "Old" pertains to me or the Vart. :)
 
The thing is, if you know what a Vart is, yup, you're an old guy.
The thing is, I know what a Vart is.
 
Gotcha know :butthead:
Sid has a Vart and fargo means it was built to go far :salute:

ark3.jpg
 
OldVart said:
He does, doesn't he? We may have to adopt him.......NAW!! He'd drink too much of our booze! :tongue9:
Click to expand...

Yea you're probably right Sid, at the very least we'd have to wean Mike off that Weasel piss that passes for beer south of the border so he can appreciate our good Canadian Beer.

Terry
 
Yep I have never herd of most of the beer's I read in the favorite drink thread!!
I will have to check some out some time.
If I was to take some time away I would have to check out Canada and come and visit and try some of your beer and catch some of those big *** fish yall have up there in gods country.

BARRACUDDA1L.jpg


bass.jpg
 
We don't have to adopt him. The U.S. adopted him from Canada and he has never been told. Opps! I let the cat out of the bag.

Jack
 
Thanks guy's :wav:

If I just disappear from here in Arkansas They will look in my computer and
figure I am in Canada :salute:

bday9.jpg


boat taken water.jpg
 
haha. those are pretty funnny mikey..
and i only know what a vart is because i own one. and i know that of a fargo because i have tried to buy one!

EH!
 
:thumblef:Had to bring it back!!!!! LMAO at my own self back then :drinkers:
 
Great thread.I laughed about having Canadian Tire money in the kitchen drawer,I cleaned mine out last week and found I had over $20 worth.I used the money to buy some brighter lighbulbs because it's so dark this time of year...

You can add another one to the list:If someone asks you to pick up a double-double at Timmy Ho's,you know what they mean.
 
67GTConvert said:
Great thread.I laughed about having Canadian Tire money in the kitchen drawer,I cleaned mine out last week and found I had over $20 worth.I used the money to buy some brighter lighbulbs because it's so dark this time of year...

You can add another one to the list:If someone asks you to pick up a double-double at Timmy Ho's,you know what they mean.
Click to expand...

If you get a double-double from one of Timmy's Ho's in my neck of the woods, you're gonna need either a doctor or a bailbondsman.
 
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