LOL, yep I agree but how bout we initiate him with some Newfie Screech?? Hell I aint even had screech before. Its on the bucket list!!
Good ones Mike, love the sense of humour!!
Canada
- Thread starter memike
- Start date
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LOL, yep I agree but how bout we initiate him with some Newfie Screech?? Hell I aint even had screech before. Its on the bucket list!!
Good ones Mike, love the sense of humour!!
daredevil
Well-Known Member
pettybludart
Well-Known Member
The Newfie Screech will lift the paint off your car Steve.It kinda taste like barrel swish and some cheap rye mixed.LOL:-#
I also find it odd that I was taught American history in school,but don,t think Americans were taught anything about Canadian,s period.Yet we,re neighbors?..Now back to putting an addition on my igloo LMAO.
I also find it odd that I was taught American history in school,but don,t think Americans were taught anything about Canadian,s period.Yet we,re neighbors?..Now back to putting an addition on my igloo LMAO.
Not true Scott, they taught us that Canada was to the north!
67DartGT340
Well-Known Member
LOL Makes me proud to be Canadaian eh! We do make some of the best Beer around!:drinkers:
67DartGT340
Well-Known Member
67GTConvert
Well-Known Member
Too funny...and probably will need a healthy dose of penicilin as well(which was discovered by a Canadian,hopefully not after a visit to Timmys...)
65Val
Average Length Member
To all my Yankee buds......
"Last night, I cashed my pogey and went to buy a mickey of C.C. at the beer parlour, but my skidoo got stuck in the muskeg on my way back to the duplex. I was trying to deke out a deer, you see. Damn chinook, melted everything. And then a Mountie snuck up behind me in a ghost car and gave me an impaired. I was S.O.L., sitting there dressed only in my Stanfields and a toque at the time. And the Mountie, he's all chippy and everything, calling me a "**** disturber" and what not. What could I say, except, "Sorry, EH!"
The passage cited above contains no fewer than 19 different Canadianisms.
In order:
* pogey: EI (Employment insurance). Money provided by the government for not working.
* mickey: A small bottle of booze (13 oz) (A Texas mickey, on the other hand, is a ridiculously big bottle of booze, which, despite the name, is still a Canadianism through and through.)
* C.C.: Canadian Club, a brand of rye. Not to be confused with "hockey stick," another kind of Canadian Club.
* beer parlour: Like an ice cream parlour, but for Canadians.
* skidoo: Self-propelled decapitation unit for teenagers, (Snow-Mobiles)
* muskeg: Boggy swampland.
* duplex: A single building divided in half with two sets of inhabitants, each trying to pretend the other doesn't exist while at the same time managing to drive each other crazy; metaphor for Canada's French and English.
* deke: Used as a verb, it means "to fool an opponent through skillful misdirection." As a noun, it is used most often in exclamatory constructions, such as: "Whadda deke!" Meaning, "My, what an impressive display of physical dexterity employing misdirection and guile."
* chinook: An unseasonably warm wind that comes over the Rockies and onto the plains, melting snow banks in Calgary but just missing Edmonton, much to the pleasure of Calgarians.
* Mountie: Canadian icon, strong of jaw, red of coat, pure of heart. Always get their man! (See also Pepper spray, uses of.)
* snuck: To have sneaked; to move, past tense, in a sneaky manner; non-restrictive extended semi gerundial form of "did sneak." (We think.)
* ghost car: An unmarked police car, easily identifiable by its inconspicuousness.
* impaired: A charge of drunk driving. Used both as a noun and as an adjective (the alternative adjectival form of "impaired" being "pissed to the gills").
* S.O.L.: **** outta luck; in an unfortunate predicament.
* Stanfields: Men's underwear, especially Grandpa-style, white cotton ones with a big elastic waistband and a large superfluous flap in the front and back!
* toque: Canada's official National Head Apparel, with about the same suave sex appeal as a pair of Stanfields.
* chippy: Behaviour that is inappropriately aggressive; constantly looking for a reason to find offense; from "chip on one's shoulder." (See Western Canada)
* **** disturber: (See Quebec) a troublemaker or provocateur. According to Katherine Barber, editor in Chief of the Canadian Oxford Dictionary,"**** disturber" is a distinctly Canadian term. (Just remember that Western Canada is chippy and Quebec is a **** disturber, and you will do fine.)
"Last night, I cashed my pogey and went to buy a mickey of C.C. at the beer parlour, but my skidoo got stuck in the muskeg on my way back to the duplex. I was trying to deke out a deer, you see. Damn chinook, melted everything. And then a Mountie snuck up behind me in a ghost car and gave me an impaired. I was S.O.L., sitting there dressed only in my Stanfields and a toque at the time. And the Mountie, he's all chippy and everything, calling me a "**** disturber" and what not. What could I say, except, "Sorry, EH!"
The passage cited above contains no fewer than 19 different Canadianisms.
In order:
* pogey: EI (Employment insurance). Money provided by the government for not working.
* mickey: A small bottle of booze (13 oz) (A Texas mickey, on the other hand, is a ridiculously big bottle of booze, which, despite the name, is still a Canadianism through and through.)
* C.C.: Canadian Club, a brand of rye. Not to be confused with "hockey stick," another kind of Canadian Club.
* beer parlour: Like an ice cream parlour, but for Canadians.
* skidoo: Self-propelled decapitation unit for teenagers, (Snow-Mobiles)
* muskeg: Boggy swampland.
* duplex: A single building divided in half with two sets of inhabitants, each trying to pretend the other doesn't exist while at the same time managing to drive each other crazy; metaphor for Canada's French and English.
* deke: Used as a verb, it means "to fool an opponent through skillful misdirection." As a noun, it is used most often in exclamatory constructions, such as: "Whadda deke!" Meaning, "My, what an impressive display of physical dexterity employing misdirection and guile."
* chinook: An unseasonably warm wind that comes over the Rockies and onto the plains, melting snow banks in Calgary but just missing Edmonton, much to the pleasure of Calgarians.
* Mountie: Canadian icon, strong of jaw, red of coat, pure of heart. Always get their man! (See also Pepper spray, uses of.)
* snuck: To have sneaked; to move, past tense, in a sneaky manner; non-restrictive extended semi gerundial form of "did sneak." (We think.)
* ghost car: An unmarked police car, easily identifiable by its inconspicuousness.
* impaired: A charge of drunk driving. Used both as a noun and as an adjective (the alternative adjectival form of "impaired" being "pissed to the gills").
* S.O.L.: **** outta luck; in an unfortunate predicament.
* Stanfields: Men's underwear, especially Grandpa-style, white cotton ones with a big elastic waistband and a large superfluous flap in the front and back!
* toque: Canada's official National Head Apparel, with about the same suave sex appeal as a pair of Stanfields.
* chippy: Behaviour that is inappropriately aggressive; constantly looking for a reason to find offense; from "chip on one's shoulder." (See Western Canada)
* **** disturber: (See Quebec) a troublemaker or provocateur. According to Katherine Barber, editor in Chief of the Canadian Oxford Dictionary,"**** disturber" is a distinctly Canadian term. (Just remember that Western Canada is chippy and Quebec is a **** disturber, and you will do fine.)
66plyValiant
Well-Known Member
Yer close Mike!! If you look at my car, it's one of those CDN 66 Valiant Signets. It has the US Dart body, VIN, taillights, grille, etc, but it has the Valiant Signet insignia inside and out. Hence my login name: OldVart. Now you just have to figure out if the "Old" pertains to me or the Vart.
the car in my signature is a canadian 66 valiant that uses the dart body. don't see alot of them around where I am, more so the baracuda style valiants like this one
http://halifax.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehicles-classic-cars-1966-Plymouth-Valiant-318-W0QQAdIdZ251513316
cannucky
The Guy With No Birthday
don't forget "getting pissed" has nothing to do with being angry-It's what would happen to Memike if he drank 2 of our beers eh!LOL . I grew up in Ontario and am a **** disturber but not at all chippy
plumcrazy704406
Well-Known Member
frickin' canadians eh!!!!!
wifey went to the bank, opened the safety deposit box, found some old series canadian bills and lo and behold, a 5cent canadian tire was in amongst them! So it's true, we treat CT money like the real thing! been the better part of 15 years since we looked in that box! lol
wifey went to the bank, opened the safety deposit box, found some old series canadian bills and lo and behold, a 5cent canadian tire was in amongst them! So it's true, we treat CT money like the real thing! been the better part of 15 years since we looked in that box! lol
cannucky
The Guy With No Birthday
did you hear they are talking about dumping Canadian Tire money ? they say they are going to go electronic with it but man I bought my first bike with that stuff , used to shovel snow and mow lawns for it ,If they dump it I'll never shop there again
67GTConvert
Well-Known Member
That will be like getting rid of the two dollar bill...when's the last time you've seen one of those?
bigall
bigall
Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking for some hot action!.
So I sent her my ironing.
I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill.
Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.
After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex Bill woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman.
That's when he realised he had made it home safely.
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year".
Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to vacuum the house.
Turns out she was a Slovak
I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.
To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.
Nothing.
A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years.
The dad says, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part."
Just had my water bill of $175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just $2 a month: time to change supplier I think.
So I sent her my ironing.
I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill.
Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.
After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex Bill woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman.
That's when he realised he had made it home safely.
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year".
Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to vacuum the house.
Turns out she was a Slovak
I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.
To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.
Nothing.
A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years.
The dad says, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part."
Just had my water bill of $175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just $2 a month: time to change supplier I think.
bigall
bigall
Just talked to a mate from floods in Vic
He said that since early this morning the flood's nearly waist high, it's pissing down and wind is increasing to near gale force.
His wife has done nothing for hours but look through the kitchen window, she just stares.
He says that if it gets much worse he may have to let her in.....................
He said that since early this morning the flood's nearly waist high, it's pissing down and wind is increasing to near gale force.
His wife has done nothing for hours but look through the kitchen window, she just stares.
He says that if it gets much worse he may have to let her in.....................
bigall
bigall
A Cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West.
The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. 'Do you think you could give me some tips?' he asked.
The old man looked him up and down and said, 'Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high, tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.'
'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.
'Sure will, 'replied the old-timer.
The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.
'That's terrific!' said the hot shot. 'Got any more tips for me?'
'Yep,' said the old man. 'Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it, that'll give you a smoother draw'
'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the younger man.
'You bet it will,' said the old-timer.
The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player.
'Wow!' exclaimed the cowboy 'I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?'
The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. 'See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.'
The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. 'No'; said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.'
'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.
'No,' said the old-timer, 'but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up where the sun don't shine, and it won't hurt as much.
The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. 'Do you think you could give me some tips?' he asked.
The old man looked him up and down and said, 'Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high, tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.'
'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.
'Sure will, 'replied the old-timer.
The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.
'That's terrific!' said the hot shot. 'Got any more tips for me?'
'Yep,' said the old man. 'Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it, that'll give you a smoother draw'
'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the younger man.
'You bet it will,' said the old-timer.
The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player.
'Wow!' exclaimed the cowboy 'I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?'
The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. 'See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.'
The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. 'No'; said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.'
'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.
'No,' said the old-timer, 'but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up where the sun don't shine, and it won't hurt as much.
bigall
bigall
An older Valiant owner, who worked away from home all week, always made a morning available when he would take his 7-year old granddaughter for a cruise in his Val for some bonding time - just him and his granddaughter.
One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and just wanted to stay in bed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out in the car.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see how her Grandfather was.
'Well, did you enjoy your ride with your Grandma?'
'Great, Grandpa' the girl replied, 'and do you know what? We didn't see a single tosser, blind bastard, dick-head or wanker anywhere today!'
One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and just wanted to stay in bed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out in the car.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see how her Grandfather was.
'Well, did you enjoy your ride with your Grandma?'
'Great, Grandpa' the girl replied, 'and do you know what? We didn't see a single tosser, blind bastard, dick-head or wanker anywhere today!'
bigall
bigall
Finally, a blonde joke with some Canadian content....
As a New Brunswick trucker stops for a red light on Hwy.11, a
blonde catches up.. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his
Truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the
Window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Monique, and you
Are losing some of your load!"
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl
Catches up again. She jumps out of her car runs up and
Knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.
As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly,
"Hi, my name is Monique, and you are
Losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and
Continues down the street. At the third red light, the same
Thing happens again.
All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up,
Knocks on the truck door.
The trucker lowers the window.. Again she says, "Hi, my
Name is Monique, and you are
Losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to
The next light When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets
Out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on
Her window, and as she lowers it, he says,..............
"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in CANADA , and
I'm driving the F*** ING SALT TRUCK....
As a New Brunswick trucker stops for a red light on Hwy.11, a
blonde catches up.. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his
Truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the
Window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Monique, and you
Are losing some of your load!"
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl
Catches up again. She jumps out of her car runs up and
Knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.
As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly,
"Hi, my name is Monique, and you are
Losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and
Continues down the street. At the third red light, the same
Thing happens again.
All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up,
Knocks on the truck door.
The trucker lowers the window.. Again she says, "Hi, my
Name is Monique, and you are
Losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to
The next light When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets
Out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on
Her window, and as she lowers it, he says,..............
"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in CANADA , and
I'm driving the F*** ING SALT TRUCK....
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