Dementia...

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Revhendo

Revhendo

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So, my mom is going through dementia. The old man covered for her for a lot longer than we knew and when he passed, we've been left to deal with it.

Anybody going through this with a family member? Any advice or insight?
 
Went through it with my paternal grandmother. Going through it with my dad now. At this point, my mom is dealing with it but damn, it's hard.

A guy I worked for had his MIL go through it. There is no real good way to do it.
 
Make sure she sees the doctor as needed. And plan now if you can for getting her help at home when it comes to that and possibly assisted living. Better to do the research now than when it gets worse unfortunately.
 
Sometimes the best you can do is to not try to make sense of what they say. Just smile and nod, and say wow, or that’s interesting, I didn’t know that, etc.
 
Yeah, I see my mom starting on the first steps of Alzheimer's, but she is doing a LOT to keep her brain busy and exercised to fight it off. You can really see it when you are having a conversation and she stops and searches for words, but not nearly as bad as the House Minority Leader. People can still function, albeit not well, as long as it doesn't get too bad. It is frustrating to her when she can't remember words, but knows what she wants to say.

It's frightening and sad, but it is the human condition. I do the best I can to be patient, supportive and understanding.
 
Also... please try to remember that you will get frustrated and that you absolutely must make time for yourself. One of my Aunts currently has it, and my cousin gets so heartbroken sometimes because its like it is her mom but not her mom at the same time. So it will be an emotional roller coaster for you also. You will have to accept that it is okay to ask for help because it is stressful watching a loved one with it.
 
I have been dealing with it with my Dad for the past 6 years. Before that was 2 years with my Mom before she passed.

It is a tough road and you can’t do it alone. As the disease progresses, it gets harder. You have to let go of who you knew them to be before and focus on who they are now and what their needs are. They live in a dream state that is barely reality. Take any and all help you can get and look into dementia care facilities...even if it just for part of each day.

An experienced professional caregiver told me 4 years ago “You need to understand and accept that while we think that they live in our World, they are living in their own World that is profoundly disconnected from ours.”
 
im thinking my MIL might be going down that way
lots of repeating, and she still asks, what are we doing today?

not sure what to tell you, other then, someone will need to be with her constantly
also, if you guys have a gas stove, i would change it to electric
last thing you want is for her to set about to make some soup, turn on the gas and get side tracked, only to light it up an hour later
 
RevKev....It comes on so slowly ....in everyday life ,you don't notice it...because of the time lapse . (In my situation).
If she has a physician ,consult..
If not ,Hospice is an option, for consultation. .
Sorry to hear ,Kevin....It 's a bi $ch.....
 
Be prepared for moments of lucidity and seize them when you can, for wills, questions, and saying goodbye.

And do what you've done here: don't be afraid to ask for help!
 
Thank you all, I didn't expect such a response so soon.
Yeah, when the old man passed in October, we got quite the surprise. I knew mom was a bit off before, but holy hell, it was just a little fraying around the edges. We had been telling the folks for a few years since Grandma died that they needed to set up a trust. (Grandpa set Grandma up fairly well.) They never did, so after Dad (actually Step-Dad, long story) passed, my sister and I had to get mom set up with a trust. We also made doctor appointments for her and had to take her to those, all the while hoping the doctor actually didn't declare her incompetent.
Yeah, I pulled dad's guns the day he passed, they're in my safe. I don't have to worry about the stove, it's electric and the ol broad doesn't cook, anyway. There's a shitload more, but I don't really want to bleed out here. It sort of came to a head last Thursday and there is a neighbor couple pulling some shennanigans. That part has me worried.
 
Revhendo said:
Thank you all, I didn't expect such a response so soon.
Yeah, when the old man passed in October, we got quite the surprise. I knew mom was a bit off before, but holy hell, it was just a little fraying around the edges. We had been telling the folks for a few years since Grandma died that they needed to set up a trust. (Grandpa set Grandma up fairly well.) They never did, so after Dad (actually Step-Dad, long story) passed, my sister and I had to get mom set up with a trust. We also made doctor appointments for her and had to take her to those, all the while hoping the doctor actually didn't declare her incompetent.
Yeah, I pulled dad's guns the day he passed, they're in my safe. I don't have to worry about the stove, it's electric and the ol broad doesn't cook, anyway. There's a shitload more, but I don't really want to bleed out here. It sort of came to a head last Thursday and there is a neighbor couple pulling some shennanigans. That part has me worried.
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You know ,what to there ...Kevin... It's hard to divide emotional, and what's best. Prayers sent ,Tim Darby...
 
You can't take care of anyone else if you don't take care of yourself. Don't run yourself into the ground trying. Get help.
Patience, patience, patience.
 
It's tough to deal with. -- Don't argue with Her --- Don't yell etc. -- Sometimes that can be tough -- But She's still Your Mom. --- Love Her, and do Your best.
 
My Mom and Father-in-Law had it and have passed away since. Mom was afflicted for 10 years, started with seeing things at night and calling upset. Was in assisted living for short time, then had to go to extended care home. Then long slow decline.
Advice get power of attorney along with the trust. Shysters prey on those afflicted. From reading books, she may start out mornings ok and get much worse during evening & nites. Try to converse or do business early in day. There is a lot more info out there now to help you. And studies show that looking at pictures, magazines, from their early adult life brings back memories and conversation.
One time before her diagnosis, I was staying with her after hospitalization. I was cooking dinner and asked how she made her gravy. She couldn't remember and then I knew it was setting in. Sad that she couldn't comprehend her Great Grandkids growing up. Good luck with her and the situation. Enjoy the good moments when they come.
 
Dad always wanted to go home. He lived and died in a house he built. I would tell him his whole life story every time he wanted to "go home" Typical behavior for Alzheimer.

It helped. He always wanted to "get out of here" . I think home is heaven. Hope he makes it.
 
Some very good responses in here.

Certainly, patience is the word. They can't help what they do. It's amazing. My dad can remember every car he owned, engine, transmission...all that up to about 1979. Then it gets to where he has no clue what he drove. Can remember the same stuff about what my uncle drove...who wrecked what. Amazing really. The short term stuff he CRS. If he isn't watched he will eat 6 maybe 7 times a day because he doesn't remember.

Also, if you can get them out, even for a little while it's good to do it. On Father's Day my brother and I took the old man to a local car show. Only took about an hour and he was ready to go but it damn sure made his day.
 
yellow rose said:
Also, if you can get them out, even for a little while it's good to do it. On Father's Day my brother and I took the old man to a local car show. Only took about an hour and he was ready to go but it damn sure made his day.
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Short trips... My wife would take her dad to Wendy's not far away and that was great. More than half hour away and he would often forget where he was going and want to come back to the house. Say he never said he wanted to go etc. Could get ugly fast. Not a good thing in the car...
 
Kev, I feel for you my friend.

I am experiencing the beginning of it with my wife. She has a family history of it and it's starting to show. She is now extremely self-conscious and embarrassed. It's getting worse over the last few months and it's difficult for me to watch but no choice I'm afraid. Can't get all the guns out of the house but Liberty is sending me a new tumbler mechanism to get the combo changed.

Good luck, and thanks for sharing!

Jeff
 
Revhendo said:
So, my mom is going through dementia. The old man covered for her for a lot longer than we knew and when he passed, we've been left to deal with it.

Anybody going through this with a family member? Any advice or insight?
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My grandmother has been going thru it now for nearly 15 years, they caught it early and got her on some medication to slow it right off but the last 18 months, especially the last 12 have been very tough. She had a stroke a year ago now and lost her ability to use the bathroom, so she's in diapers. Her communication skills are on the same level as a 18month to 2 yr old toddler's. My son, who's 2, and her get along great, they seem to be able to communicate and no one else knows what they are saying. We might get 1 word in 10 that shes actually trying to say. It's very very hard. All you can do is hug her and treasure whatever moments you can. Take lots of pictures, especially if the kids/grandkids/greatgrand kids etc are interacting with her. There's no stopping or reversing it.
 
there are some drugs out that can slow down the dementia substantially, depending on the type and severity. I have seen results on a loved one . might be worth some research.
 
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