i think i've found the root of my troubles. when the engine is cranked, the distributor doesn't spin. is this something commonly seen on slants? i'm going to pull it later to assess the horror, just wondering if this is a common problem.
Pull the distributor. If you have more than half a gear on the end of it I will be very surprised. On the bright side, they are made of plastic and fall into the oil pan and cause no further grief. I've seen slants with 3 of them in the oil pan when I tore them down.