Feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment...

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65LoveAffair

65LoveAffair

Whovian
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Decatur, IL
Just got some news today that has MommaCat and I a little flustered, to say the least. My mother moved from Central IL to Michigan about four years ago to live with my oldest sister. My mom was having some health issues at the time, and Michigan was a less-stress location for her. My wife and I, and our son, were living in my mom's house down here in IL to help take care of things while my mom was gone. The agreement was that we would take care of the the house, mow the grass, and pay for things like cable and internet, and my mom would pay the power bill, homeowner's insurance, and the property tax. The house is paid for, so that wasn't an issue. All around, it was a nice situation, and benefited us all.

Recently, within the last year or so, my mom's health has been in decline. She has dementia, but we're not sure yet what form it has taken. We don't know if it is Alzheimer's, Lewy Body disease, or what. She goes in to the doctor this week for more testing and another MRI. Not quite out of the blue, my sister called me today and told me that my mom is signing the house over to me and MommaCat. It was something that we had been expecting for a while, just not quite so soon. I have never owned a house before, so I'm feeling a little out of my league to say the least. Plus, with me being out of work at the moment, this really couldn't have come at a worse time. Granted, we did just quit smoking a few months ago so there is extra money we wouldn't have had, but the extra bills now of insurance, power, and everything are going to hurt.

Please, don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining, and I'm not whining. I'm 100% grateful to my mom for helping us out as long as she has. If not for her we would have been homeless a long time ago. I'm just a little frightened of what the future holds, as well as scared as hell for my mom. So far she still knows who we all are, but she's getting worse. She was down at my nephew's for Christmas, and when my sister came down to pick her up and take her home, she had absolutely no idea where she was. She doesn't drive anymore, thank God.

I think the hardest part of this is having to watch and hear about everything she's going through from a distance. But then, actually being there with her and watching it in person like my sister has to might actually be worse. I think what bothers me, and scares me, most of all is that my sister and her family all work, so my mom is left at home alone a good portion of the day. At least, she was the last time we were up there. I don't know if things have changed any recently as her illness has progressed.

Well, I'm sorry this was so long. I needed to get some things off my chest. Please wish us luck and keep us in your prayers. I think we're going to need it all. Hopefully I can find a job soon. That would ease our burdens quite a bit. In the meantime, we'll just keep praying. Thank you all for listening to me. May 2015 be peaceful and prosperous to you all.
 
im sure this has crossed your mind already but now might be a good time to sit down with the family and draw up whatever papers need to be drawn up
I sincerely hope your mother has many bright days still ahead of her but it would be in everyones best interest if things were properly assigned

(to give you an example, my parents helped my sister through a rough patch in her life and then added a clause to their will stating that before anything gets divide I will receive the cash equivalent of the help she received, not because me or my sister keep count but because they wish to be fair and not make things complicated)

just something to consider


if you need to come down to MI to arrange those things and need a hand shoot me a PM, maybe I can be of assistance
 
Praying for you, remember God knows what he is doing. If your mother does not sign the house over now, a nursing home could end up with it in the future.
 
Prayers sent as well, I know things will work out! May God bless you, your Mom and your entire family during this next phase in your lives!
 
I feel for you. I have been through this situation. It is not easy by any means. It is very difficult to watch a loved one disappear. They slowly revert to a child like existence. I highly suggest that you have financial and medical power of attorney's drawn up and signed while she is still somewhat lucid. Be sure to document what her wishes are before it is too late. I felt very uneasy when you stated that she is home alone during the day. So many things can happen when there is no supervision. Aside from the dangers of household appliances like the stove, someone who has dementia needs constant guidance throughout the day to keep them engaged and productive. A daily routine is vital. I can't stress enough that there needs to be enormous patience involved in becoming a care giver for someone with dementia. It is a very hard and difficult road for family and not something I would wish on anybody. My prayers go out to you and your family.
 
69KillerFish said:
I feel for you. I have been through this situation. It is not easy by any means. It is very difficult to watch a loved one disappear. They slowly revert to a child like existence. I highly suggest that you have financial and medical power of attorney's drawn up and signed while she is still somewhat lucid. Be sure to document what her wishes are before it is too late. I felt very uneasy when you stated that she is home alone during the day. So many things can happen when there is no supervision. Aside from the dangers of household appliances like the stove, someone who has dementia needs constant guidance throughout the day to keep them engaged and productive. A daily routine is vital. I can't stress enough that there needs to be enormous patience involved in becoming a care giver for someone with dementia. It is a very hard and difficult road for family and not something I would wish on anybody. My prayers go out to you and your family.
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Financial and medical powers of attorney were worked out a couple of years ago. My sister is in the banking industry, and she had all that taken care of. The fact that she is home alone scares the hell out of us as well. Hopefully my sister has taken care of that as well. It's something I need to check into.
 
Prayers sent.

It's good the "paperwork"is all in order. I feel for you. My mom's health went really fast but it was still very difficult. Like someone said earlier, God is Great and will give you guidance. I had just gotten laid office on October 21st 2013 and my mom had a stroke and heart attack just after Thanksgiving. I packed up the wife and dogs and headed to her house for as long as it took. She passed on December 20th. Had I been working, I would not have taken the time to be with her because of work and would have regretted it.

I pray God will give you guidance on upcoming decisions.
 
Prayers sent..

I have been down the path you are on, all good information above, especially Power of Attny..

My mother "forgot" she wasn't to drive anymore,, and took her unlicenced car to "Safeway" shopping while Dad had a nap.. She hit 3 cars in the parking lot,, thankfully no-one was hurt,, and Dad paid outta pocket for the damages.. We disabled the car, next she walked to "shopping" and got lost twice, and found sitting and crying beside the road, she had no idea where she was..

Your mother needs 24 hr attention..

I hate to be insensative, but the glaring fact you have no job at present,, it would prob be in whole family's best interest if you did.. with some help from your sister..

Here's one point of view,, SOMEONE has to have the JOB of taking care of Mom..

You could have your Mom sent to a facility to take care of her, so figure the cost of that care,, divide it by however many bro and sis you got,, and perhaps suggest that if you were paid that difference,, your Job would be to take care of your Mom..

This is a very demanding and heartbreaking job,, but take the opportunity to know your Mom before she's gone..

My Mom and 3 of her 7 sisters ended up with dementia,, and I have to wonder what the future holds for me,, as do you..

God Bless You,
 
Nothing easy about dealing with this part of life and I too am dealing with this with my 90 year old mom. Be thankful that you have some family help and I am also lucky to have help from my siblings. May the Good Lord share his grace and help you through these very difficult times.
 
I am glad to hear that the paperwork has been done. As you are out of work at the moment, perhaps your Mom could be moved back to her house and be taken care of by your family. It may be a comfort to her if she were in surroundings that she is familiar with. It may help with the disorientation that she experiences. Even if your family were able to help with the major portion of care giving, it is vital that the care givers have a break every so often, even if it is tag team. It does no good to help her if the care givers hit the wall and experience emotional burnout. It is just as important for the care givers to take care of themselves at the same time too. Just a suggestion...
 
A friends folks took care of everything prior to there health going south. Nothing was left to question so there was absolutely no bickering after they passed. Dave's folks were married over 60 years. They were the only boyfriend/girlfriend the other ever had. Dave's Dad passed at 6:01 a.m., his Mom at 6:01 p.m. the same day. Dave told me that the best thing his folks ever did was to not leave anything to question.
 
69KillerFish said:
I am glad to hear that the paperwork has been done. As you are out of work at the moment, perhaps your Mom could be moved back to her house and be taken care of by your family. It may be a comfort to her if she were in surroundings that she is familiar with. It may help with the disorientation that she experiences. Even if your family were able to help with the major portion of care giving, it is vital that the care givers have a break every so often, even if it is tag team. It does no good to help her if the care givers experience hit the wall and experience emotional burnout. It is just as important for the care givers to take care of themselves at the same time too. Just a suggestion...
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That was very well stated and wonderful advice.
 
69KillerFish said:
I am glad to hear that the paperwork has been done. As you are out of work at the moment, perhaps your Mom could be moved back to her house and be taken care of by your family. It may be a comfort to her if she were in surroundings that she is familiar with. It may help with the disorientation that she experiences. Even if your family were able to help with the major portion of care giving, it is vital that the care givers have a break every so often, even if it is tag team. It does no good to help her if the care givers experience hit the wall and experience emotional burnout. It is just as important for the care givers to take care of themselves at the same time too. Just a suggestion...
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This is tremendous advice,, I had no siblings, a young family and 2 businesses 20 mi.s apart..

I nearly lost it all trying to deal with it myself, and fortunately one of my employees saw me going over the edge, and found me help thru Social Services,, to help take care of Mom a day or 2, while I took care of myself and family..

So check to see what Support groups are available to you and your sister..

If your sisters been dealing with this for some time,, she will need a break, soon..

What I wish for you is no regrets,, because when-ever I think of how my mom passed,, I have nothing but regrets..

prayers for you
 
Oh boy, can I ever relate to this one. In an hour I'm going to pick up Billy's mom from the behavioral health center (where she's been since the 12th) following the diagnoses of mild Alzheimer's, Sundowner's and dementia. It's been a wild ride the last 808 days ...

Somebody please pull over and let me out.
 
CudaChick1968 said:
Oh boy, can I ever relate to this one. In an hour I'm going to pick up Billy's mom from the behavioral health center (where she's been since the 12th) following the diagnoses of mild Alzheimer's, Sundowner's and dementia. It's been a wild ride the last 808 days ...

Somebody please pull over and let me out.
Click to expand...

You have the keys.
 
been thru this with my mother. all was good advice.

your mother is going to need constant supervision before long, if not already..... I feel for you..
 
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