BillyBBad
Well-Known Member
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love
and get married. The ceremony wasn't much,
but the reception was excellent.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron".
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender
says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
under his arm and says: "A beer please,
and one for the road."
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to
the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass
of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."
Two cows standing next to each other in a field,
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated
this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do
for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes,
then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm
going to have to put him down." "What? Because
he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other
day but I couldn't find any.
I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet
him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off
the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't -
I've cut off your arms!"
I went to a seafood disco last week...
and pulled a mussel.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly;
but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,
proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
How is it that we put man on the moon before we
figured out it would be a good idea to put
wheels on luggage?
and get married. The ceremony wasn't much,
but the reception was excellent.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron".
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender
says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
under his arm and says: "A beer please,
and one for the road."
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to
the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass
of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."
Two cows standing next to each other in a field,
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated
this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do
for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes,
then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm
going to have to put him down." "What? Because
he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other
day but I couldn't find any.
I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet
him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off
the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't -
I've cut off your arms!"
I went to a seafood disco last week...
and pulled a mussel.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly;
but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,
proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
How is it that we put man on the moon before we
figured out it would be a good idea to put
wheels on luggage?
