Married guys - car budgets and honesty

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moparspares said:
If there's one thing I have learnt is that if you have a shitty Bathroom and Kitchen and you want to spend money on a car It just aint going to work for your wife.

Get the Bathroom and Kitchen done and it will ease the pressure on what you want want to do on your car. If you work on your own car you have some ability to do some of the reno work on your house yourself.

My wife and I have money that goes into an account to pay mortgage, bills and groceries and we have a weekly allowance each that we spend on what we want. No questions asked how each other spends their allowance money.
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My wife is the type to use stuff beyond it's usefulness. Like her cars - she'd drive them into the ground to the point of being uncomfortable and unsafe. When we first started dating, She drove an '89 Blazer. She drove into the late 2000's and it was downright dangerous. It took me over a year to convince her to get rid of it and she did only when her old mechanic told her not to sink any more money into it. We ended up donating it and it had to be towed away. She'd rather keep fixing something than do the more sensible thing and buy new or at least less-used.

Our house is such that doing a room by room makeover does not solve it's inherent problems. It's small, we have no room and it's only going to get worse as our kids get older/bigger. Everything is literally falling apart. The previous owners were hacks and did all sorts of half-assed and poorly executed things. It needs to be totally re-done and it isn't really even worth doing because it ain't that great to begin with. But, she is stuck on staying here and doing it the room-by-room way. No matter how I try, she won't be convinced of anything else. So she's both cheap and stubborn. I can't engage it anymore.

I guess that's probably why I keep my car spending to myself. I'd rather not have her see what I'm doing since there's really no flexibility on anything. Again, you gotta make yourself happy in life because no one else will do it it for you, including your wife.
 
breakstuff said:
My wife is more into cars than I am, she couldn't care less what I spend. In 22 years she's never gave me a reason to not trust her or to hide anything from her.

I think this post is funny when you see people posting about : wife 1, wife 2, wife3, wife 4, wife 5,....... I think maybe after divorcing wife #2 it's time to step back and look into the mirror.
You will never hear me ***** about my wife, I'm thankful that there is someone out there that loves my overweight, hairy, grouchy ***.
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We need to clone Dustergirl and spread the love around!!! :)
 
breakstuff said:
My wife is more into cars than I am, she couldn't care less what I spend. In 22 years she's never gave me a reason to not trust her or to hide anything from her.

I think this post is funny when you see people posting about : wife 1, wife 2, wife3, wife 4, wife 5,....... I think maybe after divorcing wife #2 it's time to step back and look into the mirror.
You will never hear me ***** about my wife, I'm thankful that there is someone out there that loves my overweight, hairy, grouchy ***.
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Very very well said. I am lucky to have a very similar wife.

A lot of bitterness toward women or better halfs in this post. Too bad and sad. Makes me more and more thankfully and confirms our being honest and open about everything is the way to go.

Believe it or not ramcharger, your roll is similar to what I do, I am around the kids more...wake them, feed them, dress, off to school or daycare, come home make dinner, etc.

It's a partnership, and sometimes it not going to be 50/50 depending on the situation. I love cars, and demolition derbies, but as my kids are getting older ( 5 and 2years old). I am understanding more and more that my "wants" or less and less a want. Family first. I'm lucky to be able to still do the things I am able to do, and have an understanding and supportive wife.
 
breakstuff said:
Yup, really! I'm sure you're a saint though.
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never ever said i'm a saint. I admit to making plenty of mistakes, I would imagine, like you and everyone else.

I must say, I've seen my share of comments r egarding anyone that is divorced, and I will say again, you don't know anyone;'s situation unless you were there?

some things in life we just not meant to be.
 
Came off sounding like I was bitching about my wife. She is 50 and still beautiful and take care of herself. She has a tough job and makes good money. We have a nice house that we designed and built in 1986. Took us the next 10 years to finish the basement. garage and get my shop. There is always another project and money has always went back into house. Now I have a couple of hobbies to keep ME HAPPY. and require money. I work on the side and deal in parts for my hobbies. She tends to get pissy when I am spending time and money on them.
 
Thats the thing about people. Husbands and wives both have different priorities, unless you marry one thats a car nut too (rare are hens teeth).

Women are usually all about "nesting" you know the house, kids, makeup, clothes etc. we all want our wives to look attractive right? They do this because it makrs em feel good about themselves, and they want to look attractive for us. Think of it as mtx and upkeep. Thats what it is.

My wife even says lots of men get more attractive as they age, and start going gray. She likes the rugged look. I mean look at Sean Connery, or Sam Elliot. Heres the funny thing as guys we for the most part are attracted to youngerlooking women. This is why there are whole industries to support a youthful look for our ladies.

Our wives also have to realize that our priorities,are different than theirs. The things that make us happy besides being with our spouses include tools, cars, sports, etc. as long as the bills are met, they should be able to indulge in things that make them happy, just like we do. My wifes idea of a good time is going and getting a manicure and a pedicure. My idea of a good time is an afternoon at my local salvage yard wrenching off car parts i need for my project. Sometimes giving your wife a gift card for a local "chick spa"so she can indulge herself while you watch the kids goes a long way to when you want to buy something for your ride.

Our wives have to also realize this is an expensive hobby, but making sure the bills are payed first, then treat your wife once in awhile. Make sure she knows she is at the center of your life. At one point when you were dating she was the center of your life. Letting her know this thru your actions should help her to ease off about the car stuff. Especially if she knows it makes you happy.

Matt
 
joint account for 21 years. I made more for years..... now she's killing it. we live comfortably, the race cars have been a part of our lives since day 1. It's used when we can afford it, or feel like it. It was parked a lot while I coached fastpitch softball as our daughter played school and travel ball for many years (price composite bats, gear etc.... not much room for car stuff :) ). I've spent a buttload of money the last two years updating/upgrading my dads old race car since he quit. I sold the car I owned since 84 after 26 years and have pretty much depleated any and all parts we had laying around after collecting for 30+ years on this latest project. I don't like to spend large amount of "family" money on the racecar, but if there is a big ticket item.... she knows. It's a "thing".... family first. If it's not in the cards, look for the firehouse sale on parts in the classifieds.... it doesn't mean that much to me. BTW we went trailer shopping years ago. I was looking at enclosed trailers....simple 28 footers. She was across the lot looking at 48's with living quarters stating she'd go with me more if we had one.... I stated the obvious that we'd need a bigger truck to pull it.... she was like, "well lets get one then!"...... that's how she rolls, and I love her like no other! (we didn't get the big trailer and new truck.... that's where I drew the line :) )
 
Hmmmmm------Interesting thread! I was a greaser hot rodder when i started dating my wife at 17. She knew I would never change and I did not try to change her. After at least ten builds and 39 years of marriage, it was her who suggested I call on the 67 Barracuda I had my eye on while i was in the middle of my 1965 Comet build. That was ten years ago and my Barracuda build will not be my last. (I really hope!) Guess I am just lucky:)
Cheers, DR :coffee2:
 
In my experience it's not good to lie to your wife.
Fudging the truth about what your spending, or trying to spend money without her knowing (lying my omission is what the wife will call it) is not a good idea.

If she finds out later that your not being truthful, or that your spending behind her back, she'll probably be more pissed of that you lied to her than about the amount of the spending.

Good luck
 
My wife has access to every receipt to every part that I have bought over the last few years to build my car. I keep them in a binder. Neither of us has added it up and we don't want to. I've had motorcycles for years since they were the most affordable thing for me to go fast and I enjoyed it. Although there was always the higher risk of death and that terrified my wife. I told her that I was worth more dead anyway than I was alive! She'd be well off if that happened lol. She refused to ride motorcycles and I had been wanting a Dart since I was 17. So I sold the bike. When I bought the Dart, she was PISSED. I did it without her approval completely. I ignored anything she said to me about the subject. If I couldn't have a bike, I was getting a car. Period. Granted in her defense, I shouldn't have bought this car and she used to like to rub that in my face like a dog who **** on the carpet. So of course it ended up taking a ton of money to get the car where I wanted it and to make it safe to even drive. But I think over the years she saw how dedicated I was and how much joy it brings me when I drive it. Because of this, I can't argue about anything she buys. But I don't hide anything I buy from her.
 
she worries more about my bowling addiction versus my car addiction lol
 
After 44 years she still supports my MOPAR habit. She has always handled the money and always will cause she's so much better at it than me. When I need stuff I tell her and she always says OK. If we're a little short she'll tell me when we're good. Always been like that. Doesn't deserve anyone lying to her about anything.
 
75Sport said:
After 44 years she still supports my MOPAR habit. She has always handled the money and always will cause she's so much better at it than me. When I need stuff I tell her and she always says OK. If we're a little short she'll tell me when we're good. Always been like that. Doesn't deserve anyone lying to her about anything.
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same here

she is a administrative assistant and good with numbers and other stuff so when i need something i ask and she says yes or we should wait and gives me the thumbs up when its a green light.

that is unless its money from something outside of the normal IE: car parts/guns/bowling equipment and so on. then im free to do what i want when i want. Like recently i sold my snowmobiles and trailer to pay for my stepfathers funeral services and the rest went into my separate car/bowling equipment/other stuff i want account
 
Been poking the same hole for over 30 years now. Our key to a good married life is being truthful about everything even if you don't like what you hear. My wife likes old cars but not the shows. She would rather drive them than show them. She has never given me any type of resistance when it comes to the car. She raised our two kids while I did my career in the military. We do everything together, still hold hands, we go to the movies on Sundays etc..
Kids are like boomerangs, they always come back. Now that both of mine are grown and gone and we now have four grandsons life is good. Two things that will kill a marriage is sex and money. It's always not enough. If you want to keep them happy just lick it and stick it.
 
Only one rule, keep all the receipts but NEVER add them up!
Oh yeah and never give up the 80 for the 20 because no one ever gets the 100 and you could wind up with 20 instead of 80.
DR:coffee2::burnout:
 
So all you guys who say your wives know everything - what do you gain by allowing her to know everything you spend?

My wife is a strong-willed person. I can't imagine what it would be like if I discussed every purchase I make with her. I hate to sound like a prick but it's not really up for discussion, nor do I want it to be.

I think the thing that bothers me most about my situation is that I'm not sacrificing priorities in the name of my car but I still get the guilt trip of "oh, I never spend money on myself, it goes in the bank or blah blah." Frankly, our lives generally don't change for the worse if I buy this or that. We seem to do OK no matter what I spend so it almost seems like a moot point.

So that being said, why introduce her influence on my stuff? I don't/wouldn't do that to her... besides, I buy her all sorts of nice things she would never think to buy for herself so she could never say I'm a cheapskate and only spend money on my car. If she said she spent X dollars on something she wanted for herself, I'd be happy for her. I wouldn't try to influence how she spent her money unless it had a direct effect on me or my kids well being.

Again, we have a different way of seeing things in regards to making ourselves happy. She blatantly chooses NOT to make herself happy in any regard. In addition, she tries to make me feel guilty for taking care of myself, whether it costs money or not. She has no self.
 
We gain the satisfaction of being true to ourselves and the freedom of not living in fear that someone will discover our secrets.
 
YY1 said:
We gain the satisfaction of being true to ourselves and the freedom of not living in fear that someone will discover our secrets.
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I don't live in fear. Nor is what I do with my càr a secret.

I always stay true to myself as well, almost to a fault.
 
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