Married guys - car budgets and honesty

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My wife knew it was a passion when we met and she would never expect me to change that, luckily her dad is an old mopar guy as well so she grew up in the environment of chaos and car parts
 
1. It's our money.
2. She's more important than the money.
3. Honesty is the best policy.
If you can follow these rules you, have a good partner and marriage.

That being said. Do I spend money on things I don't "need"?
Well yes.
Number 3 works for us because she's as frugal as I am. We both had Depression parents. It rubbed off. We know things can get bad fast. She has a sister. I got the cheap one. I think got the better deal. I love my wife.
Her sister is high maintenance. But then again her sister makes money.
 
adriver said:
1. It's our money.
2. She's more important than the money.
3. Honesty is the best policy.
If you can follow these rules you, have a good partner and marriage.

That being said. Do I spend money on things I don't "need"?
Well yes.
Number 3 works for us because she's as frugal as I am. We both had Depression parents. It rubbed off. We know things can get bad fast. She has a sister. I got the cheap one. I think got the better deal. I love my wife.
Her sister is high maintenance. But then again her sister makes money.
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I spend a lot of money on things i dont need and it aint all car stuff lol. but like i said before we have a account that our paychecks go into for bills and other everyday stuff and another account for taxes/work bonuses and thats for vacations. I have an account where money from stuff that i sell or other work i do and thats for my car.

We have an understanding that i can do what i want with money from my car account and if i need something and dont have the money then we discuss the details of borrowing it from savings and i put it back when i sell something or do other work and i can never have anymore than one loan out from savings.

it might seem silly but it works and there are no issues
 
rmchrgr said:
I don't live in fear. Nor is what I do with my càr a secret.

I always stay true to myself as well, almost to a fault.
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If that's true, then why are we having this discussion ?
 
[ame]http://youtu.be/fyNXUEXV0qg[/ame]

[ame]http://youtu.be/UOT1P6SY9PQ[/ame]

[ame]http://youtu.be/qhu3pXgaSlM[/ame]
 
All I know is that my brother HemiDenny once commented "My wife thinks our lawn tractor cost $40k".
 
rmchrgr said:
So all you guys who say your wives know everything - what do you gain by allowing her to know everything you spend?

My wife is a strong-willed person. I can't imagine what it would be like if I discussed every purchase I make with her. I hate to sound like a prick but it's not really up for discussion, nor do I want it to be.

I think the thing that bothers me most about my situation is that I'm not sacrificing priorities in the name of my car but I still get the guilt trip of "oh, I never spend money on myself, it goes in the bank or blah blah." Frankly, our lives generally don't change for the worse if I buy this or that. We seem to do OK no matter what I spend so it almost seems like a moot point.

So that being said, why introduce her influence on my stuff? I don't/wouldn't do that to her... besides, I buy her all sorts of nice things she would never think to buy for herself so she could never say I'm a cheapskate and only spend money on my car. If she said she spent X dollars on something she wanted for herself, I'd be happy for her. I wouldn't try to influence how she spent her money unless it had a direct effect on me or my kids well being.

Again, we have a different way of seeing things in regards to making ourselves happy. She blatantly chooses NOT to make herself happy in any regard. In addition, she tries to make me feel guilty for taking care of myself, whether it costs money or not. She has no self.
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Never mind, I'm so confused.
 
So glad I'm not a marriage counselor. Seems as if embezzlement is running rampant in this country.
 
MileHighDart said:
So you don't discuss every purchase with your wife, but you don't hide it from her either. That's fine if it works for you two.
I think the original posters question about, is it ok to spend money on cars and hide it from your wife. It's the keeping secrets and hiding his activities that will piss off the wife if she finds out.
Just my outlook on it.
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He is the OP, lol.
 
Bad Sport said:
He is the OP, lol.
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Yep, that would be me.

So this has become something I didn't really intend it to but I guess it's all for the common good.

The things I described, I mean they're just part of being married I guess. There's always gonna be push and pull, half-truths or just poor communication. Nobody is perfect. I will admit that my wife and I have had our struggles. But, like I said already, when it comes down to it, we do make a pretty good team and often, surprisingly, we balance each other out.

That said, we are busy people with jobs, kids and everything else that goes on in modern life. It's hard to maintain a sense of self when it seems like whatever it is you do is either for your kids, work or paying bills. Just doesn't seem fair sometimes.

Again, the one main difference between us is that it's more important to me to be able to do the things that make me happy rather than operate like she does and put all of her time and energy into everything else BUT herself. Again, she has no 'self', let alone hobbies she enjoys doing. She used to be into all sorts of things but life changed as we got older and for whatever reason, she let it all go.

Frankly, I just don't like being made to feel guilty about doing my thing. Unfortunately, money tends to play a large role in that scenario because of how much this hobby can cost. I guess that's why I don't really discuss it with her because of the way she rolls and holds me to the same standard. It's not worth the argument and I'd still be doing it anyway.

Like many have said, she knew what she was getting into and it really hasn't changed.
 
Wow! I'm new to this forum and look forward to learning all kinds of things, but this is kinda sad. Mutual respect with the buck stopping with me seems to be an unspoken rule in our marriage. I know if I'm leading my wife in how we run our home that if I keep secrets, I can't expect her to be open with me. And with that in mind, I wouldn't get to choose the KIND of secrets my spouse might decide to keep. Without trust.... Well I'd be leading my marriage to total failure. And then I only have myself to blame. Now for you guys whose wives weren't honest, that sucks. But you can always know YOUR integrity is spotless. Secrecy tarnishes that and can't be blamed on anyone else. That's just my take on all this.
 
rmchrgr said:
I don't live in fear. Nor is what I do with my càr a secret.

I always stay true to myself as well, almost to a fault.
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I'm a bit confused by this whole post.

1. Your opening post was explaining your secret spending and trying to justify it and asking for examples from other married guys with how they do it....
2. Shorty after you called out all the "honest with spending" married guys and said you hardly believe that we are completely honest and tell our wife's everything.
3. Now you say the above quote? No you don't. Read your first post that you wrote.

This seams to have gone full circle and I get the impression you were looking for support from a lot of us. Most of the support you received with keeping money spending a secret is from single ( not married but dating) or divorced men.

Do what you want. I think you know what is the better way, hence you feal resistance and are questioning your methods.

Honesty is the only way. End of story. But you can always take the single and divorced mens advice...your call
 
rmchrgr said:
Again, she has no 'self', let alone hobbies she enjoys doing. She used to be into all sorts of things but life changed as we got older and for whatever reason, she let it all go.
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That sounds like my wife. She has no "passion" for anything except the grandkids. Not trying to justify my actions, well, maybe I am, but the only disagreements we have are about money. If it was up to her, we'd be broke all the time, hence the separate accounts and the "not knowing" what I have. At my advancing years, our financial state is always on the forefront of my thoughts. Most especially retirement and "emergency savings". I have a set amount deposited in my personal savings account out of every check as well as contributions to my 401K plan. I never spend more than 50% of that savings account at a time on my personal desires so if I want to spend $1000 there has to be $2000 is savings. Our most recent argument revolves around my car. Transmission crapped out Friday so now looking at dropping a grand. She wants me to scrap "that piece of junk" and buy a used Honda or Toyota". Wants to know where I'm going to get the money for the transmission. When I tell her I have it covered in my savings she immediately starts looking for a new dining room set while just that morning she told she had a personal debt, $130, that was going to be put into collections. Last week she spent $190 on a tattoo to cover up a bad she had gotten 3 years ago. She has no thought toward finances or future expenses or savings goals. If I didn't plan and hoard we'd be destitute...but we'd have nice stuff!
 
I have been married 32 years and up until i started keeping my wife out of my car money I never had any. Now that she is on a need to know basis. I get to spend some and SHE DOES NOT NEED TO KNOW.

My Duster was my first car and I had it way before we started dating. Made it clear from day 1 I would never sell it and it never was an issue until I spent money on it. She is still pissed I pulled the /
 
Jo Diesel said:
I have been married 32 years and up until i started keeping my wife out of my car money I never had any. Now that she is on a need to know basis. I get to spend some and SHE DOES NOT NEED TO KNOW.

/
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I'm with you. If my wife knew what I spend on my car or anything else for that matter she'd be bent.

We make the same money, actually she makes a bit more, but I work a 2nd job so ultimately I have more. WE have an our account and a my account.

She's always broke. I'm usually not. We split the bill down the middle. She's wanted many times to just have an our account so she could have CONTROL and more money for her to spend. I refused.
 
I think if you don't resolve your money issues before you marry, you are in for a long ride.
 
krazykuda said:
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.... :D
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LOL!


Originally Posted by magnumdart
I think if you don't resolve your money issues before you marry, you are in for a long ride.
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Good advice for anyone who is considering marriage or living together long-term.

I would also add that it is a good idea to make your hobbies and passions very clear as well.

I really do envy the people who have found partners that share their hobbies and interests. The couples with his & hers hobby cars. That rocks.

I know I came off as one of the bitter, divorced guys. I am not bitter, really... Other than the part where the last one decided to try to take my car and hobbies and my business away from me, after I had told her I wanted a divorce after only 2 years of marriage. She flat-out told me she was gonna hurt me as much as possible during the divorce and leave me in ruins. I still have a restraining order on her.

But, the things that actually drove both of my marriages into the tank had little to do with cars or hobbies.
I take a LOT of the responsibility in that I did not take enough time to really get to know them well before getting married. They could probably say the same of me. Lesson learned.

(hopefully)

:banghead:

Hats off to those of you who have gotten it right and are happily married.
:glasses7:
 
I make no secret of the fact I've been married 40 odd years of my life, but not to the same woman. it never seizes to amaze me the attitude given by some of those that are married and never divorced. so I will just read here and make no other comments!! LOL
 
MobileCustoms said:
I take a LOT of the responsibility in that I did not take enough time to really get to know them well before getting married.
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Women marry men in the hopes of changing them. Men marry women hoping they'll never change. And they usually both delusional.

I worked with my wife for 5 years before we got married. Fortunately, she left our employer a few months after we started dating. Within the first couple of weeks I brought up the subject of "joint financials". I asked her how much money she had and what bills were due. She said she didn't know, it had been a couple of months since she balanced her checkbook. I asked her to do so then and we'd talk about consolidating our finances. She reached into her purse, pulled out a double handful of receipts, sat at the computer for 45 minutes, turned around and said "I THINK I have...". I stopped her right there and told her she was NOT touching my bank account. We decided then that she would take care of her vehicle, personal maintenance and buy the groceries in the household and I would pay everything else. That was 13 years ago. Last year she confessed to me that she had $16000 in credit card debt and could no longer pay the minimum balances so she filed with one of those "debt management" programs. I took over paying for 6 of the accounts that they would not cover and paid them all off in about 6 months. She still has 2 years left on her program. I refuse to touch anything else, she swims or she drowns. Hence, I don't let her know how money I have saved, what bills are paid when, or what I have in my 401K investments. She is incapable of managing money. All the bills I carry are paid on time or early, any credit cards are paid off or down, depending on what has to be spent unexpectedly, I'm targeting to be debt free for retirement at 62 and intend to pursue this "hobby" full time until the day I die. She can come along for the ride or she can thumb another one. I hate to be that way but I already had 2 take me to the cleaners and never again will any woman have that kind of grip on me. Do I love her, yes, and I'll spend the rest of our lives together happily. I just need, for my own personal peace of mind, to make sure we do so comfortably. Until she got her new car in December, we had NO joint bills, accounts, anything. Now we're both on just the car note but I can take that over if we split.
 
I don't personally discuss every purchase I make on stuff to the wife, and I don't have to! I buy it if I want it and if she asks I tell her! If she sees it 6 months after I buy it and asks, I tell her! That's how it works at my house! Geof
 
sargentrs said:
Women marry men in the hopes of changing them. Men marry women hoping they'll never change. And they usually both delusional.

I worked with my wife for 5 years before we got married. Fortunately, she left our employer a few months after we started dating. Within the first couple of weeks I brought up the subject of "joint financials". I asked her how much money she had and what bills were due. She said she didn't know, it had been a couple of months since she balanced her checkbook. I asked her to do so then and we'd talk about consolidating our finances. She reached into her purse, pulled out a double handful of receipts, sat at the computer for 45 minutes, turned around and said "I THINK I have...". I stopped her right there and told her she was NOT touching my bank account. We decided then that she would take care of her vehicle, personal maintenance and buy the groceries in the household and I would pay everything else. That was 13 years ago. Last year she confessed to me that she had $16000 in credit card debt and could no longer pay the minimum balances so she filed with one of those "debt management" programs. I took over paying for 6 of the accounts that they would not cover and paid them all off in about 6 months. She still has 2 years left on her program. I refuse to touch anything else, she swims or she drowns. Hence, I don't let her know how money I have saved, what bills are paid when, or what I have in my 401K investments. She is incapable of managing money. All the bills I carry are paid on time or early, any credit cards are paid off or down, depending on what has to be spent unexpectedly, I'm targeting to be debt free for retirement at 62 and intend to pursue this "hobby" full time until the day I die. She can come along for the ride or she can thumb another one. I hate to be that way but I already had 2 take me to the cleaners and never again will any woman have that kind of grip on me. Do I love her, yes, and I'll spend the rest of our lives together happily. I just need, for my own personal peace of mind, to make sure we do so comfortably. Until she got her new car in December, we had NO joint bills, accounts, anything. Now we're both on just the car note but I can take that over if we split.
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Pretty much agree with what you said. I was medically retired in 2014 from military service. One day last July my wife in the morning before leaving for work says I'm having the home phone turned off because we have cell phones and the satellite package changed to the basic package since we don't know as of yet what your retirement will be. I agree and thought it was a good move. That same day 3 steps in the door she informs me that she is putting in a sunroom she always wanted. I explained my displeasure her doing this with the comment that morning and it fell on deaf ears. Two days later she tells me that the contractor will be starting that day and she went to the credit union and got a personal loan. Just like the 4 vehicles she previously purchased without consulting me. I always was under the assumption that any major purchases or anything costly was a joint decision. I can also remember years ago I was going rounds in an all Mopar drag race and being called for the 3rd round she tells me to red light since it's so hot. I said no way this was my day and ended up going to the semi's. Before we left the house I told her she had a choice going along or staying by the pool, she chose the first so she had to deal with it. I'm a firm believer of sticking it out for life, but at 53 and 33 years behind me it gets tougher to remain a positive thinker about that. Never took bill money for my projects always my overtime, and always made sure the bills we're paid. I have told her how lucky she is to have me as I don't hang out in bars, don't drink or chase skirts, but that means nothing. Just my 2 cents. :burnout:
 
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