Mark Wainwright
Well-Known Member
- Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
- She was only a moonshiner's daughter, but I miss her still.
- What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
- Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
- Just so everyone is clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
- A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone a round.
- I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
- Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
- How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
- I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
- My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet.’ It’s a cover band.
- I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
- Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t "c" in the dark.
- Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
- When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, he gave me a blank stair.
- Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”
- Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
- Scientists got together to study effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
- I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
- I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
- What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.
- I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”
- What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision? Suture self.
- I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.
On a happier note, the verdict is "in"!!! 
