These seem like reasonable questions!

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gdrill

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Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway...

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why, Why, Why?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?


:D
 
If I were Wile E.Coyote, I would order a Road runner pizza! He he!
(just love the Roadrunner Cars to!).

Darryl
 
Dang that was good gdrill :D It's stuff like this I will take the time to read because it is amusing :cheers:

Please tell me why they call it a hot water heater when it is heating cold water :D That's all I have gdrill :glasses7: :D
 
Can you cry under water?
Yes. You will just not be able to see the tears! The actual act is completely possible.

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Politicians are "assassinated," everyone else is murdered.

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
the second penny is a bribe to get people to listen to your opinion. ;)

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Structural integrity, stackability, ease of manufacture.

What disease did cured ham actually have?
The swine flu. ;)

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
The polymers to ensure longevity either weren't available, or were far too expensive. Let's not also forget that most suitcases back then were big huge metal contraptions that could bite a finger off if you weren't careful! Do we REALLY want to give that contraption MORE mobility!?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
Because for those two hours, babies sleep very peacefully, and it's a relief on everyone when they finally go back to sleep...

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Does the policeman still read him his rights? ;)

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
No idea. Next!

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Because humankind is an exceedingly gullible beast.

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway...
Would YOU want your doctor eyeing you while you're stripping!? I didn't think so!

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Purely a show of power by the toaster engineers. It's the same reason a stovetop has both a 9 and a HI setting, and why guitar amps go to 11. ;)

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
This was the earliest form of satire... "Jimmy," or King James, cracked a corny joke one day. When nobody laughed, he had everyone in the room executed. The vast majority of his kingdom had heard about these executions and the circumstances leading to them, and they wrote a cheeky song to parody the event. King James was so distraught that he devoted his life to serious religious research and a few years later released the "King James's Bible"

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Because he had no duct tape.

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Because Pluto is someone's pet, while Goofy is a sentient humanoid.

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?
The thrill of the hunt!!

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
I was going to copy/paste a huge list of like Isopropyl polyscorbic bullcrap, but the fact of the matter is that this is the complete list of Johnson's(R) Baby Oil (the most popular brand):

Ingredients: Mineral oil, fragrance.

So much for smartassery. X)


If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Does banality come from banons?

bannon1.gif

Admit it, you thought it... :p

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Yes.

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
I didn't. I've known it for a very long time.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Same thing for humans: They hate windy days but LOVE riding their motorcycles or driving their convertibles! Dogs learned it from Man. ;)

Why, Why, Why?
Because! Now go clean your room! >:\

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Because it's easier than getting up, going to the junk drawer, and swapping batteries.

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?
Because they don't want to deal with your broke ***. Take the hint, loser!

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Because billions of stars is an easily observable fact, even though it's a lie since it is impossible to count the stars in the night sky; whereas wet paint looks just like dry paint, and maybe that was an old sign!

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
To prevent zombification... They want them DEAD, not UNDEAD!!

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Read the book:

"Was not hair commencing to grow upon his face? All the apes had hair upon theirs but the black men were entirely hairless, with very few exceptions.

True, he had seen pictures in his books of men with great masses of hair upon lip and cheek and chin, but, nevertheless, Tarzan was afraid. Almost daily he whetted his keen knife and scraped and whittled at his young beard to eradicate this degrading emblem of apehood.

And so he learned to shave–rudely and painfully, it is true–but, nevertheless, effectively."

- Burroughs, "Tarzan of the Apes" (the first appearance of the character)

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Because the gun itself is the dangerous part; not the bullets or the person using it!! The Liberal Left aren't just talking out their asses, ya know! ;)

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
They were basically just a leather padding to minimize cockpit head injury while maneuvering (say, dodging defensive fire from the ship you're trying to hit). They also had radios in them, so they could communicate with the rest of the squadron.

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
People who didn't have lisps... ;)

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Because they evolved into other apes.

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Simple science of light refraction through soap bubbles and the fact that there are billions of tiny ones per cubic inch near the water surface.

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
I hope to never witness that day...

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Hold on, checking fridge... I know I've got no food, but there must be SOMETHING in there to eat!

W
hy do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Breaking it loose from the carpet hopefully gets it to suck up into the vac. Otherwise, f-it, I ain't picking it back up.

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
Dunno, never had this problem...

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
Chuck Norris.

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
Because only Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
Because winter cold sucks twice as much as summer heat. Therefore, if we keep it at "too g-d'd hot," we only have half the suck factor! :)

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
He already hates us for sleeping with his daughter... I don't know of any man in history who'd push that envelope any farther.... And that includes Chuck Norris!!


As for women telling FIL jokes: Women are usually smarter than us men, and that's why they just trivialize everything we do and say instead of turning it into a joke. This is also why there are dumb blonde jokes, but nothing reciprocated for men; to women, we're ALL dumb! :(

Correct. :D
 
Holy cow ceekay, I just copied and pasted, you actually took the time to write that stuff!! :thumbrig: Good responses!
 
Well, you asked! I figured the least I could do was answer! :p


- CK
 
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