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I never knew the true meaning of happiness until I got married. And then it was too late.

I stopped trying to make my wife happy. Now I try to make her less unhappy.

I came home and my girlfriend was packing all her clothes. I asked her what was going on and she said she was moving out. I asked her why and she said she heard I was a pedophile. I told her that's an awfully big word for a 4th grader.

Well, if someone in Minnesota can afford $430,000 for that car, I can tell you they don't travel in my circle.

They are torque-y for sure. I have 528 ft/lbs of torque-y as well. The day I lose to a stock electric car is the day I hang up my keys.

I came across a Tesla P85 once. He started jerking forward at the light. I shook my head and wagged a finger at him. The light changed and he took off. I beat him, not a blowout, but not close either. I understand the P85D probably would have eaten my lunch.

I'd drive that in a heartbeat!

If the choice was the Challenger or the pussy .... tough call. I'm taking the Challenger.

My old doctor retired. Now I have this seriously hot female doctor and it makes me a little uncomfortable. She has told me that she is a professional and there isn't much she hasn't seen before. She said just tell me what's wrong and I will help you figure it out. I told her my wife says my dick...

I went into O'Reilly's on Sunday. They were busy and my buddy was backed up, so I went to the young kid and set a hose clamp on the counter. I say "I need high quality hose clamps in this size." He says, "what do you need?" I sigh and repeat myself. He says, "hose clamps?" I sigh a little louder...

We work on them all the time. You have to jump start the proper battery of course. I have replaced the starting battery on several of them. I won't touch the hybrid system, though we put a tranny in a Honda Hybrid once.

They have a starting battery and the hybrid battery. They are very capable of being jump started.

Nice boots.

Freakin' Minnesotans. What we won't do to get on TV. I'd be embarrassed, but I haven't got time. I'm trying to figure out how to dislocate my elbow so I can get on TV.

I think Pyrojim just wants to go to hell and doesn't want to stand in line! :-)

That's bad! But funny.

A very old man, rich and in his late eighties, marries a Las Vegas showgirl. She figures she will screw him to death on their honeymoon and inherit all his money. On their honeymoon, he goes into the bathroom to get ready. She takes off all her clothes, strikes her sexiest pose on the bed, and...

I always wondered where these replacements came from!

All original except maybe the "273 comando been stroked 318 crank and i mild 454 cam"

Remember, if women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.

Well said. That's the only way they are getting mine. Empty, and from my cold, dead hands.

Ugly Back Dupree. Not sure I'm liking my new blues name.

I was driving home the other night, in the left lane slowly overtaking an SUV. I was 1/3 of the way along her left side and she just changed lanes with no warning. I had to swerve and hammer the brakes to avoid getting hit ... in my neon green Dart. I was furious. She finally changed back to the...

Well, it is a pretty big rubber band ...

Not seeing the humor here. If that was a wife or kid we'd be freaking out.

And one more good man gets killed doing as his wife asks.