A Few Lame Ones

-
Mark Wainwright

Mark Wainwright

FABO Gold Member
FABO Gold Member
Joined
Jan 4, 2017
Messages
28,090
Reaction score
65,518
Location
Ontario Canada
1. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet..
2. My friend Mary said to me "Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!"
She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.
3. I once dated a mime. I hope I left her with a good impression.
4. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
5. Do you know how to lose weight... fast.
6. My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not.
7. Husband (watching a video):
Don't do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say yes. No! No! NOOO!! Aw dang, he actually did it! What a dumb ***!
Wife: Honey, why you so mad? What'aya watching?
Husband: Our wedding ceremony.
8. Five out of six people declare Russian roulette to be perfectly safe.
9. Q. How are stars like false teeth?
A. They both come out at night!
10. Q: What type of market should you NEVER take your dog too?
A: A flea market!
 
Mark Wainwright said:
1. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet..
2. My friend Mary said to me "Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!"
She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.
3. I once dated a mime. I hope I left her with a good impression.
4. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
5. Do you know how to lose weight... fast.
6. My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not.
7. Husband (watching a video):
Don't do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say yes. No! No! NOOO!! Aw dang, he actually did it! What a dumb ***!
Wife: Honey, why you so mad? What'aya watching?
Husband: Our wedding ceremony.
8. Five out of six people declare Russian roulette to be perfectly safe.
9. Q. How are stars like false teeth?
A. They both come out at night!
10. Q: What type of market should you NEVER take your dog too?
A: A flea market!
Click to expand...

#5) I lost 165 lbs of ugly fat once, I wonder where she is now.
 
Kind of reminds me when I told my dentist that I'd better take better care of my teeth because I didn't want to get "Moon Teeth". He said "Moon Teeth? I said yeah, they come out at night.
 
If reincarnation is for real, I wanna come back as a bird, so I can whistle through my pecker.
True story... lead singer of a band was talking to the audience while band played a repeating lead in in the background. One could tell what song they were about to play. Anyway, he says he wants to dedicate this one for the brown-eyed girls out there. I don't want to ignore the beautiful blue-eyed girls though. You blue eyed girls make some noise! Now the lovely green-eyed girls, make some noise! Hazel-eyed girls, let me hear you! If there are any cross-eyed girls, make some noise! How about week-eyed girls? The music stopped.
The drummer asked, "What?"
The singer says, "Yeah I dated a gal with week-eyes for a while. She could stand on Wednesday and see both Sundays."
That on took some typing. I hope it was worth it.
Ever noticed how reactions to jokes changes with time? 30 years ago I would say, "9 out of 10 men who have tried Camels prefer women", And someone would respond, "Wonder what the hell that 10th guy is into?". Today.... no such response. They think to themselves, hell thats probably more like 7 out of 10.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
-

Back
Top