A TRIP TO CostCo

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TXDart

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A TRIP TO COSTCO


Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet,
Champ, the
Wonder Dog and was in the check-outline when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant?
So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog,
I was starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story).
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because
the dog food poisoned me.


I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time
in the world to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially)
to all your retired friends......it will be their Laugh for the day!!!


 
I met a guy on the ham radio about a month ago. He's retired and about the funniest SOB I ever met.
 
Some of the funniest things I've ever heard came out the mouths of the old farts I worked with in the textile mill.
Being in plant maintenance, my supervisor was the smartest man I've ever known too.
 
THAT is some funny stuff...... I love doing things like that and hearing about them as well!!! people ask the most unbelievably foolish questions!!! I was asked to go to the Meijer at 2:30 am to get feminine products ( most guys have been there) so here I am in line at 6'5" 280 lbs shaved head & goatee with this box of Maxi Pads on the counter, jst one box and noting else. This younger women behind me exclaimed " how nice of you to take care of your women like that" I said excuse me? these are not for "my women" these are for ME!! they make excellent Head bands in the summer months when it is HOT...keeps the sweat out or my eyes while I am working!!! NOW the Lady cashier is lookin at me like the RCA dog for those too young to remember her mouth is open her head is cocked to one side and she is glaring at me like she just saw a ghost!!
I went on OH YES all of my MALE friends use these they are great!!!!
The young girl and the young cashier BOTH said "they will have to get some for my husband!!!"
PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE ANYTHING I walked out of Meijer and held my laughter until I was IN my car...took me almost 10 mins to stop and I had to wipe the tears from my eyes so I could see to drive home.....MY then GF asked me what took me so long so I told her what I had done..... she told me I was crazy as a bug then laughed her *** off
 
PS...My then GF also told me that I was the FIRST guy to go get her maxi pads...she said all the other guys refused!!!! I dont get it? why is that something any MAN would refuse to do? you have no issues buying toilet paper...how is this any different? what a bunch of LAMERS & POSERS TO BE MEN
 
[ you have no issues buying toilet paper...how is this any different? what a bunch of LAMERS & POSERS TO BE MEN[/QUOTE]
Speaking of toilet paper,I once went in grocery store to get some toilet paper and beer.Cashier was snapping at everyone and not having a good day.When she checked me out,she ask "Will that be all?"
I responded"Yes,Beer and toilet paper is all I need because I fixing to get sh*t-faced" She and the customers in line burst into laughter.
TXDart
 
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