lol, I kinda have the same motto. I used to live near Pittsburg, too bad I'm not still in the area, I would gladly drop by to lend a hand. We just moved here a little under a year ago, I was there when all the flooding happened, talk about terrible. I helped get quite a few vehicles dried out & running again.
I'm with 73Abodee on this one now. Good idea to go ahead & find a good dash harness just because of possible corrosion issues.
It may sound odd as you don't have any miles on that motor, though I have watched this happen while breaking a cam in, but the very last thing I would rule out is a flat lobe on the cam. Very unlikely, but have seen it happen a few times with a new cam.
That aside, I will agree on bypassing everything & hot wiring the ignition to see what happens. Let me do some review before telling you how to Hotwire it, I'd hate to tell you how to fry your ignition lol
DFX brought up a good idea too that I didn't think about. Fire it up, then turn all the lights out to see if anything is arcing anywhere maybe