Defective Parrot

-
inkjunkie

inkjunkie

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 24, 2009
Messages
17,413
Reaction score
3,082
Location
......
A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.

It doesn't have any feet or legs.

The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?'

The parrot says, 'I was born this way.

I'm a defective parrot.'

'Holy crap,' the guy replies.

'You actually understood and answered me. !'

'I got every word,' says the parrot.

'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird'

'Oh yeah?' the guy asks.

'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet.?'
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook.

You can't see it, because of my feathers.'


'Wow,' says the guy.

'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?'

'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy.

I'm especially good at ornithology.

You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.'

The guy looks at the $200..00 price tag.

'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'

'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet..

You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer.!'

The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational.

He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful.


The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing.

'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the UPS man.'

'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy.

'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.'

'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously.

'THEN what happened?'

'Well, then the UPS man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.

'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?'

'Yes.

Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.'

Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED.?'

DUNNO?!? I got a hard-on, and fell off my perch.!'
--
________________________________________
 
Guy goes into a bar, and he has a miniature guy on his shoulder about a foot tall. Guy orders a drink for him, and one for his miniature companion.

The little guy jumps down off the Guy's shoulder, KICKS over the drinks, and runs up and down the bar kicking over ashtrays and generally raisin' 'ell, and then jumps back up on the Guy's shoulder.

"Say," says the bartender, I don't mind serving most anybody, but if your friend there can't behave, I'll have to ask you both to leave. Where did you get him, anyway??"

"Well," says the Guy, "one day I found a mysterious old antique, and I started cleaning it up. A genie appeared out of it, and granted me just one wish."

"So, what was it?"

"I wished for a 12" prick, and THERE HE IS!!"
 
How about the dirty mouthed parrot? Older lady sees a parrot in the pet store and wants it.Guy begs her not to buy it cause its got a foul mouth. She assures him she can fix that ,pays and leaves with the bird.First thing out of his mouth is damn lady this is a nice house. She tells him to watch his language. Why the hell should I he retorts.She takes him out of his cage and sticks him in the freezer a couple minutes. When she lets him out he says s.o.b. its cold in there. Dont do that **** again.She shoves him back in another 5 minutes. This time when he comes out hes quiet till she sticks him in the cage. When she closes the door he pops off god dammit dont do that again you old bi#ch. She grabs him and leaves him in the freezer 30 minutes.Thinking she,d have him straightened out now she opens the door and looks inside. Hes in the back propped against a frozen turkey. He stares at her a minute and asks,what,d he say,m#th#r F#ck#r?
 
daredevil said:
How about the dirty mouthed parrot? Older lady sees a parrot in the pet store and wants it.Guy begs her not to buy it cause its got a foul mouth. She assures him she can fix that ,pays and leaves with the bird.First thing out of his mouth is damn lady this is a nice house. She tells him to watch his language. Why the hell should I he retorts.She takes him out of his cage and sticks him in the freezer a couple minutes. When she lets him out he says s.o.b. its cold in there. Dont do that **** again.She shoves him back in another 5 minutes. This time when he comes out hes quiet till she sticks him in the cage. When she closes the door he pops off god dammit dont do that again you old bi#ch. She grabs him and leaves him in the freezer 30 minutes.Thinking she,d have him straightened out now she opens the door and looks inside. Hes in the back propped against a frozen turkey. He stares at her a minute and asks,what,d he say,m#th#r F#ck#r?
Click to expand...
I so didnt see this the last time i looked lmao
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
-

Back
Top