dis-owning family members

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RaniDart70 said:
yesssss you hit it on the nose, my bad uncle dont like that i live here in the US and he has applied for VISA to come here and got rejected so he says its dis-respectful of me to not help him get over here..

i really cant help him but even if i could i wouldn't .....there are two types of ppl who come to the US from other countries ....people who will appreciate it and those who are looking to use the oppertunity like a dish rag........he wont appreciate it ...he is just looking for a get rich scheme and not really looking for a peaceful life ....and i wont have anything to do with his evil plots.
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Sad to say Rani you're exactly right!
We need more people like you to come here who appreciate it! Also sad is the fact that many people born here are like your uncle. Things need to change.
 
In my case it's my mom's side of the family that I'm not too close with.
When my sisters and I were just little kids...like 4-6yo my step dad at the time was sexually abusing me and my older sister. When we finally told our mom, she didn't believe us. Ended up telling a teacher at school. Then my dad received full custody of us gladly. He would drive from IL to GA twice a month for nearly 3yrs to see us kids before that.
Didn't hear from our mom for over 3 years after that mess. When I asked her a few years ago about it, she said she wasn't sure she wanted kids anymore at that time.
Two of her 3 brothers are drunks. The one nice one influenced me in ways that still affect me today...like collecting rocks, fossils, and cool bugs, lol.
Heck, my mom even missed my wedding almost 4yrs ago because she ended up spending the money on bail money to get one of the drunks out of jail.

She also has a sister, my aunt, who's husband told me about 8-9yrs ago that I should prob marry someone rich, which he was equating me to a piece of trash and I would amount to nothing. They are pretty much rich and very very well off.

Let's just say I might talk to mom 2-3x a year and haven't talked to the others in I don't know how many years.
 
Well.....and I quote, Jesus said "no greater gift doth a man have than to lay down his life for a friend" He didn't say that about family.
 
While im sure there are many reasons to disown family. But when you come in to life all you have is family id sure hate to go out with nobody! Keep those at a distance. Be social when you have to. You get one life and there is no promise of an after life.
 
The final straw between me and my mother and sister was at my son's wedding. My sister was a no-show (she was "sick") and my mother showed up as the bridesmaids were walking down the aisle. I have the video on this. So she wasn't there for the wedding pictures. Then she left after the wedding to go tend to my "sick" sister. So they were no-shows at the reception and dinner also. Haven't talked to either one since. And my son is the only grandchild in the family.
 
As far as I'm concerned, anyone in you life that is not an asset, is a liability. I'm not speaking financial. There are a lot of ways to be an asset, without money. Anyone who is not a positive influence in your life, family or not, I see no need for. Do not let them drag you down
 
Bingo! Splatteroony! Right on the money.


'73red-duster said:
As far as I'm concerned, anyone in you life that is not an asset, is a liability. I'm not speaking financial. There are a lot of ways to be an asset, without money. Anyone who is not a positive influence in your life, family or not, I see no need for. Do not let them drag you down
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I walked away from my family over 10 years ago. Was notified of my Dads death by the police knocking on the door to inform me, of my Mothers when I got a letter from a lawyer about her will being probated. No regrets, only emotion I have is a very deep seated hatred...Was the best thing I could do for my mental health....I have no plans on visiting there grave.....
 
all this time I have felt kind of bad for kicking certain family members out of my life even though it was more than warranted , now after seeing these posts, not so much .
 
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. That's Romans 12:18.

It sounds like you've done all you can. Be honest with them. Tell them you're not having any more to do with them until their behavior towards you improves, and tell them why. That way, you leave the door open should they ever have a change of heart. People have been known to change. They are family, and you should give them every possible chance, within reason of course.

It might be that they just don't want a loving and respectful relationship with you. If that's the case, like I said, you've done all you can do. There's no need to subject yourself to that type of abuse, and it is just that; abuse. Even though they're family, you don't need to be put in this position. But always leave the door open for reconciliation, like I mentioned above.
 
i dont wish these ppl i am removing from my life any bad at all.......i just wish to be with them like any stranger off the street .....just neutral like i dont know them at all
 
OldmanRick said:
I apologize ahead of time if this is inappropriate Rani, but it sounds like most of the issues have been with the male relatives. Is it possible that it's a culture issue because you are such a smart, independent woman?
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This is an interesting thought, what say you rani?
 
RaniDart70 said:
i dont wish these ppl i am removing from my life any bad at all.......i just wish to be with them like any stranger off the street .....just neutral like i dont know them at all
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That's really how you need to be. You don't want to harbor any anger or resentment toward them. I've seen that work like poison in people's lives for years. I've seen anger and resentment destroy people. You don't want that.

But like I said, leave the door open. As a minister, I have seen people change and I've seen relationships restored. Be ready to forgive them BUT with the understanding that it is their responsibility to treat you appropriately and if they don't want to do that, then let them know you'll have nothing more to do with them. If they've dealt all their cards, then they've dealt all their cards.

And keep in mind that no one has a perfect family. We all have relatives that give us grief at one time or another.
 
RaniDart70 said:
yesssss you hit it on the nose, my bad uncle dont like that i live here in the US and he has applied for VISA to come here and got rejected so he says its dis-respectful of me to not help him get over here..

i really cant help him but even if i could i wouldn't .....there are two types of ppl who come to the US from other countries ....people who will appreciate it and those who are looking to use the oppertunity like a dish rag........he wont appreciate it ...he is just looking for a get rich scheme and not really looking for a peaceful life ....and i wont have anything to do with his evil plots.
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Where are you and your biological family from originally if you don't mind my asking? Just curious and if you'd rather not answer, that's okay. But it could be a cultural issue like someone mentioned earlier.
 
If that's the way their doing you Rani you have every right to dis-own them. IMO it's not disrespectful, it's their loss for being jerks
 
Rocky_JS said:
I have 9 brothers and sisters, we have our "times," but I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.
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Wow, a post like this sure took a long time to surface in this thread. It seems family discontentment is pretty wide spread here. Sad, but I guess its a fact of life.

I have two brothers, mom and step-sister that are left in my immediate family unit. Step-dad died a few months ago. Real dad died 40+ years ago. I also have 3 female cousins and an aunt still kickin'.

My cousins are all great. My aunt (their mother) is my mom's twin sister, so she's a sweetheart just like my mom.

My baby brother (actually half-brother) is 40 and a devoted, hard working family man with a wife and two kids, also looking after our mother to make sure she can finish out her years comfortabley after step-dad's passing.

My other brother seems to be going through some type of metamorphisis. His personality and behavior are changing and we all feel its for the worse. We all think he's still a good man, but some of his actions over the past ten years have most of the family scratching our heads and wondering why he has treated us this way.

I'll have to say that I don't really know my step-sister. I've only seen her a hand full of times over the past 30 years.

I would feel terrible if any of them became alienated from the rest of us.

Guess me and Rocky_JS are the odd men out in this thread so far.
 
I struck out on my own at 16 and had plenty of family issues Rani :glasses7:
My 2 younger brothers stayed with my mom, I wanted to see who my father was and quit
living with my mom and grandmother, my mom and grandmother understood but my 2 younger brothers would harass me on the phone 500 mile away and hang up (being young :D) I put this aside and moved on with making my own life, my father and I got along great but it did not go well with his new young wife (jealousy and paranoid) of my presents. My older brother was raised by my father and we got along ok but we was 2 different kinds of people, He was immature and his morels was a bit out there :?.......... I guess he learned that from the high life of having a (Hot and Young) step mom that manipulated everyone she came in to contact with :wack: and she did not work and they had 2 homes (THEY HAD MONEY :coffee2:) my dad was an architect so my older brother was raised by her.......:?
Rani, I put good people around me and worked in the same town and it did bother me that I could not see my father or brother :sad5: because it just caused trouble for them :glasses7: so I just stayed away for well over 20 years and glad I did, You may not know it but I have morels
that was put in my life living with my mom and grandmother and her other sons.....R.I.P Robert, Loyd, Mom and my partner in crime Grandma :sad5:
I have made a happy life for myself and have many great memories made with my friends for well over 35 years on my own, My younger brothers have grown up and they are proud of what I have dun with my life, but we did stay apart for well over 10 years....
My parents (mom and Grandma have past away) My fathers young wife leaved my father so we had about a year of good times and he came to my home and net his grandson :glasses7: and seen everything he has been missing out on as he seen me in my life :sad5: He was amazed as he watched my son and I play music for his first time when I was about 40, seen his grandsons and felt bad about the way he dealt with life..... and I/we my family said put that all behind you and look at this day as your first Dad :cheers:....
I knew what I wanted in life and did what I had to, nothing at all wrong with staying away from folks that don't see life as you do, Life is to short to deal with there problems we can't do anything about, it's best to move on and grow, sounds like your family that is giving you bs are just thinking about there own well being and do not care/want to see you secede..... I know that if my wife and I put up with my Dads way of life my sons and my wife would not have so many great memories/Friends/people in our life, family or not.. people are different and we must do what our wisdom and morels tell us to do ... They need to applaud you for your new life and be proud of you, not destructive and think of just there self ..:wack:... maybe things will change in years to come, but let them do there thing and hope for the best for them, you are responsible for you and the folks and friends around you that put a positive out look, wisdom, care and morels upon you......Take a stand, put your foot down :coffee2:
that you have a path in life and they can like it or not, but don't let them tread on you..

Wow.. sorry about this long winded post :coffee2:
 
Bad people suck the life out of you.
My two oldest brothers have been disowned by me for this reason.
My parents passed away when i was in my teens, i am 50 now.
People change i know, but i choose to keep positive people in my life, including friends.
I would do anything i could to help my friends and family that i have now, and they would do anything for me.
I think that is what it's all about.
Good topic Rani, and i hope it all works out for you.
 
i had many problems with family too,my mom and my wife's brother.my mom did so realy nasty things 5 years ago,i forgave her ,but do not trust her.my brother inlaw,got a second chance,but use me and my wife as door mats,only knew me when he needed something. i hate it when people use there family just for own personal gain.then ignore you when they get what they want.
 
Dusteriffic said:
Wow, a post like this sure took a long time to surface in this thread. It seems family discontentment is pretty wide spread here. Sad, but I guess its a fact of life.

I have two brothers, mom and step-sister that are left in my immediate family unit. Step-dad died a few months ago. Real dad died 40+ years ago. I also have 3 female cousins and an aunt still kickin'.

My cousins are all great. My aunt (their mother) is my mom's twin sister, so she's a sweetheart just like my mom.

My baby brother (actually half-brother) is 40 and a devoted, hard working family man with a wife and two kids, also looking after our mother to make sure she can finish out her years comfortabley after step-dad's passing.

My other brother seems to be going through some type of metamorphisis. His personality and behavior are changing and we all feel its for the worse. We all think he's still a good man, but some of his actions over the past ten years have most of the family scratching our heads and wondering why he has treated us this way.

I'll have to say that I don't really know my step-sister. I've only seen her a hand full of times over the past 30 years.

I would feel terrible if any of them became alienated from the rest of us.

Guess me and Rocky_JS are the odd men out in this thread so far.
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I'm with you too- my mom died a few weeks ago and I see a bunch of people in here who will realize too late what they missed.
 
Frankie said:
This is just my opinion, but this seems to be too personal to share on a public forum.
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not really, its just a discussion on a message board with people some of us will probably never meet in person, although it is far from car related, unless cars are part of the problem LOL
 
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