My Luck

[Mark Wainwright]

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[Mark Wainwright]

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[Mark Wainwright]

Are we straight on this?

 

[Mark Wainwright]

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[Mark Wainwright]

A man arrived home to find his wife sobbing.

“What’s wrong, darling?” he asked.

Through tears she said,
“The chemist… he insulted me on the phone this morning! I had to call several times before he even answered.”

The husband stormed down to the pharmacy, ready to demand an apology.

Before he could get more than a word out, the chemist said,
“Now hold on - let me tell you my side of the story.”

“This morning, my alarm didn’t go off. I woke up late, skipped breakfast, and rushed out the door… only to realize I’d locked both my house and car keys inside.”

“I had to break a window to get them. Then I sped off and got a ticket. Three streets from the shop, I got a flat tire.”

“When I finally arrived at the shop, customers were already impatiently waiting. I opened up, started serving, and the phone would NOT stop ringing. Ring, ring, ring, ring”

“Then I broke open a bag of pound coins for change — they went everywhere. I’m on my hands and knees picking them up, the phone still ringing.”

“I stood up, smashed my head on the cash drawer, staggered back into a shelf of expensive perfume, and half of it shattered on the floor.”

“Still… the phone keeps ringing. I finally answer it.”

“It was your wife.”

“She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.”

“And believe me, mate…
as God is my witness…
all I did was tell her how to use it.​

 

[Elmo65]

View attachment 1716225577

I told you not to over torque it!

 

[mpgmike]

A man arrived home to find his wife sobbing.

“What’s wrong, darling?” he asked.

Through tears she said,
“The chemist… he insulted me on the phone this morning! I had to call several times before he even answered.”

The husband stormed down to the pharmacy, ready to demand an apology.

Before he could get more than a word out, the chemist said,
“Now hold on - let me tell you my side of the story.”

“This morning, my alarm didn’t go off. I woke up late, skipped breakfast, and rushed out the door… only to realize I’d locked both my house and car keys inside.”

“I had to break a window to get them. Then I sped off and got a ticket. Three streets from the shop, I got a flat tire.”

“When I finally arrived at the shop, customers were already impatiently waiting. I opened up, started serving, and the phone would NOT stop ringing. Ring, ring, ring, ring”

“Then I broke open a bag of pound coins for change — they went everywhere. I’m on my hands and knees picking them up, the phone still ringing.”

“I stood up, smashed my head on the cash drawer, staggered back into a shelf of expensive perfume, and half of it shattered on the floor.”

“Still… the phone keeps ringing. I finally answer it.”

“It was your wife.”

“She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.”

“And believe me, mate…
as God is my witness…
all I did was tell her how to use it.​

That is one of the best ones I've read in YEARS! Kudos!!!

 

[Mark Wainwright]

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[Mark Wainwright]

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[Mark Wainwright]

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[Mark Wainwright]

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[Mark Wainwright]

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[Mark Wainwright]

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[Mark Wainwright]

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[Mark Wainwright]

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[Mark Wainwright]

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[Mark Wainwright]

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[Unconventional]

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View attachment 1716494406

 

[abdywgn]

 

[Mark Wainwright]

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[Mark Wainwright]

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[Mark Wainwright]

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[Mark Wainwright]

Marge was at the hairdresser's getting her hair done before a trip to Rome with her husband.

“Rome?” scoffed the hairdresser. “Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty. You’re mad.”

“How are you getting there?”
“KLM - we got a great deal!”

“KLM? Terrible airline,” the hairdresser said. “Old planes, ugly flight attendants, always late.”

“And where are you staying?”
“A little place by the Tiber called The Vesuvius Palace.”

“Oh, I know it,” said the hairdresser. “People think it’s exclusive, but it’s a dump.”

“Well, we’re hoping to see the Vatican… maybe even the Pope.”
“That’s rich,” laughed the hairdresser. “You and a million others. He’ll look like an ant. You’ll need luck on that trip!”

A month later, Maggie’s back for a trim.
“So… how was Rome?”

“Wonderful,” Maarge said. “We flew on a brand-new KLM plane, got bumped to first class, had amazing food and wine - and a handsome 28-year-old steward waited on me hand and foot.”

“The hotel had just had a £5 million remodel. They were overbooked and gave us the owner’s suite for free!”

“Yeah, yeah,” muttered the hairdresser. “But you didn’t see the Pope.”

“Actually,” said Marge, “a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I’d like to meet him privately.”

“Five minutes later, the Pope walked in, shook my hand, and spoke to me.”

“Oh really?” sneered the hairdresser. “What did he say?”

Marge smiled and replied,
‘Who the bloody hell did your hair? It looks like a pile of sh*t!​

 

[Mark Wainwright]

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[Mark Wainwright]

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